


Run away home

by snowspriestess



Series: AUs [2]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Break Up, Christmas, Christmas Party, Christmas Smut, Domestic Fluff, Drug Abuse, Drug Use, F/M, First Christmas, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, House Party, Ice Skating, Mild Smut, Partying, Post-Break Up, Romantic Fluff, Smut, tags will be updated as story continues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-12
Updated: 2017-02-27
Packaged: 2018-09-08 04:46:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 26,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8830942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snowspriestess/pseuds/snowspriestess
Summary: Maybe it did not matter that he never had a real family or a place where he felt at home.Maybe this home was all that he would ever need. Modern AU were Jon and Melisandre meet at university and become a couple, not prepared for the challenges which were about to come.Are they going to find their way back to each other? Or was the whole relationship not meant to last in the first place?





	1. Home

„I can drive just fine, you'll see.“Melisandre turned around with a teasing smile on her lips, copper strands of hair blowing in the cool wind. 

It was late autumn and the leaves had begun to fall, colors matching her hair and mini dress. As always she had paired the dress with ridiculously high heels, with every step they made a little click on the pavement. She wore fishnet tights underneath, showing her pale thighs. Jon wondered how she could not be freezing, but then he remembered that she was actually never cold. She did not even wear a coat, only her long sleeved dress. 

“It'll be fine as long as we'll leave your car alive”, he answered now, following her to the red Mercedes parked on the sidewalk. She had just recently got her license and only barely passed the test after the second try, so he was kind of anxious to ride with her for the first time. “How did you afford the car?” he wanted to know now, since it seemed quite new.  
Melisandre worked weekends on a little bar in town, being the most famous waitress among the visitors. Jon had gone there once or twice, but the looks that she got with her tight dress and little amount of fabric had driven him out quite fast. 

They had met at college, actually, in one of his classes at the beginning of the year. At first she had been kind of intimidating, with her gorgeous face, deep red lipstick and those insanely long eyelashes which she liked to flutter at him whenever she needed help with studying.  
One thing had let to the other and they had meet at his place, where it had not been long until the studying turned into something else entirely. Some more meetings for studying and they had been in a relationship, or whatever one might call it. Jon was not sure what it was actually, but he knew that he liked her very much.  
Melisandre was smart, charming, funny and incredibly attractive and one look was enough to make him do what ever she liked. 

Now she was stopping next to her car, one little click and it opened. She smiled a mysterious smile. “Maybe I did some extra hours at the bar.” 

He laughed, opening the door. “I saw you at class all week, you didn't work.” Inside the car was black leather, the seats were quite comfortable and the equipment all new. 

Melisandre closed the door behind her, tucking her dress in place. “Maybe I my tip was enough. The guys love me.” 

Jon frowned a bit, watching her close the seat belt. “I'm sure they do”, he muttered. “Are you gonna drive in heels?” 

She gave him her most innocent look. “Yes, why?” The motor started, rowing quietly. They rolled down the sidewalk, onto the road. 

“Forget it”, Jon sighed. Discussions with Melisandre never brought him any further, she was probably the most stubborn person he had met in his life. 

She stepped on the gas, immediately increasing their speed. The number on the display went up to 50 km. 

“You're 20 over the speed limit”, he informed her dryly. This was about what he had expected. 

She shot him a quick look. “There's no one around, forget about it.” They reached a junction, the light was red but Melisandre ignored it. 

Jon sighed quietly, simply leaning back in his seat. His body was pressed against the door as she took the next street to their left, only slightly decreasing their speed. Her way of driving was as wild as her personality, or so it seemed. “Did somebody buy you the car?” he finally asked. 

She looked at him for a second, a frown on her face. “No, who would buy me a car?” 

He shrugged. “One of your guys.” 

Melisandre stepped on the brake so hard that he was almost thrown out of his seat. Two little children crossed the street in front of them, holding hands. She rolled her eyes, drumming impatiently on the steering wheel with her long, red fingernails. “That was a joke, you know that.” 

“Well, you always dress pretty special for them.” He had not even meant to say it, but now it was done. The street was empty by now, but the car did not move. 

Melisandre's eyes were on him. “Are you jealous?” 

He clenched his jaw. There was silence for a moment, finally interrupted by a car behind them sounding its horn. 

Melisandre shot them a deadly look through the front mirror, before she continued driving. 

“I'm not jealous of the idiots who get to see you once a week during your shift. That would be ridiculous.” 

Her lips curled up in a slight smile, but her eyes stayed on the street. “Alright”, was all she said. 

Jon felt the need to defend himself. “I'm not, okay? Don't smile like that.” 

She simply nodded. “Sure.” They entered the street where he lived, Melisandre slowed down and drove on the sidewalk in front of his flat. “See? We're still alive.” 

“We had some luck”, he muttered, opening the door and climbing out of the car. He could hear her laugh, as she got out as well and locked the car. 

As he went around the car and reached entrance of the small building he lived in, she approached him and kissed him quickly. Her fingers stroke his jawline. “You don't have to be jealous, okay? It's just my job.” 

He nodded. “I know.” Jon unlocked the door and held it open for her, letting her enter the hallway first. “I'm fine with it.” 

“Sure you are”, she replied over her shoulder, getting out of her heels and climbing the stairs barefoot as usual. “I hate that you live on the forth floor.” 

They reached his flat at last, Melisandre threw her heels into the hall and went on into the living room, where she made herself comfortable on the couch while Jon got out of his coat and shoes. 

His dog Ghost came out of the bedroom, following her and licking her hand. He was obsessed with her, ever since he had met her for the first time.  
“You want anything to drink?” he asked her, entering the kitchen which was openly connected with the living room. 

Melisandre was on her cellphone, but she looked up and put it aside as he spoke to her. She thought for a moment, but then she nodded. “You have any red wine?”  


He smiled a little. “Sure do. I knew you would come.” 

Red wine was the only alcohol she drank and she was mostly drunk after only two glasses, which was why he never let her drink more than one and a half. She always pouted and fluttered her eyelashes, but he was no fan of making her drunk so he insisted on her staying mostly sober.  
Now she smiled as well, getting up from his sofa and approaching him. “You know me too well”, she mused, stopping behind him and placing her head on his shoulder. Her eyes watched him as he poured the glasses and her arms wrapped around his body. He could feel the warmth of her body on his back.  
She smelled like rosewood, the same perfume she always wore. It had become a familiar smell by now, like home maybe. 

She was the closest thing to a home he had ever had, since his father had died recently and he had lived with him and his stepmother before who had everything but liked him. His real mother he had never met, never gotten to know her name. She was a shadow in his dreams, a character he had made up as a little boy.  
He had siblings as well, five to be exact, and he got along well with them mostly but they all had their own lives and lived with their mother now, so he had taken his things and moved to his own flat. Life was better that way, probably. 

“What are you thinking about?” Melisandre's voice interrupted his thoughts. 

He set the bottle down quickly, turning around and handing her the wine glass. “Not important.” 

She took a sip of wine, frowning but not pressing the issue. “Okay”, she replied quietly, before taking his hand and leading him back to the couch. Back there, she settled next to him and curled up in his side, her head resting on his shoulder. He could feel her heartbeat. 

“I'm glad that we're home.” Her voice was very quiet, a little insecure even. 

Jon looked at her in surprise for a moment. But then he nodded. “So am I.” 

Maybe it did not matter that he never had a real family or a place where he felt at home.  
Maybe this home was all that he would ever need.


	2. Temple

“Can we talk for a moment?”

Jon jumped in surprise, turning around and looking into a familiar pair of eyes. “Damn, you scared me!”

  
Melisandre smiled in amusement. “Yeah, I saw that.” She moved a little closer, their bodies almost touching now. They stood outside on the campus, with the soft sun of autumn shining down on them.

Already now Jon could feel the looks on them, the ones usually only Melisandre got. She was quite famous among the students, followed by looks and whispers all the time. No day passed without people asking her out, what she always declined, luckily. Now everyone was staring at them, the reason why he normally kept some distance between them when they were at uni. Today she did not seem to mind at all, though.

“You are aware that everyone is staring, right?” he muttered, slightly uncomfortable.

She only frowned. “So? Let them stare, I don't care.” She took a quick look at her phone. “I have class for two more hours, wanna meet up after that? I'd like to show you something.”

There was a gleam in her eyes when she said the words that made him curious. “Sure”, he answered, looking around him. “I have to keep going now.”

She nodded. “Okay.” And then she leaned forward and kissed him, right on the lips and in full view of the whole campus. After a few seconds she withdraw, a content smile on her lips. “See you later.” And with those words she disappeared.

His jaw dropped slightly, he was puzzled. The looks of the students around him seemed to burn wholes inside him, but he felt an odd kind of joy. They all envied him, right now. He smiled a little, before turning and making his way to his next lesson.

Class had already started as he slipped in, quietly taking his seat next to Sam.

His friend looked up from his books. The look on his face already told Jon what he was going to say. “So, you and Mel I've heard.”

Jon sighed, but nodded. “Yes.”

Sam's eyes were full of expectation. “So?” he wanted to know. “For how long already? You never told me!”

  
“Yeah, it was kind of a secret”, Jon mumbled. “A few months, I guess.”

His friend's jaw dropped. “Man, I'm disappointed, I thought we were best friends! You get yourself the hottest chick in the city and don't tell me?”

Jon rolled his eyes. “Don't talk about her like that.”

Sam watched him for a second. “So it's a serious thing?”

“Yes. Yes, it's a serious thing.” He was tired of talking about it, if he was honest. He did not at all feel like sharing details about his relationship with others, that was nobody's business. Maybe he wanted Melisandre all for himself. _Maybe._

Sam's attention went back to his books. “I'm happy for you, Jon. You're cute together.”

He could not help but laugh a little. “Thanks, I guess.”

“The whole school is talking about you, you know that right? Your kiss is the one story today.”

That was to be expected. Jon ran his hands through his hair, taking his books out and trying to focus as well. Being the center of attention was not his thing at all, but hopefully it would be over soon enough. At least they did not have to keep it a secret any longer.

 

Melisandre was waiting at his car as he left the school, leaned against the front and texting on her phone. Her hair was up in a messy bun and she wore thick eyeliner with the dark red lipstick which was her favorite. Her high cheekbones were covered in highlighter and shimmered in the sunlight, which made her look incredibly radiant. As always she wore mostly red, today a scarlet crop top with leather shorts, over knees and a red cardigan thrown on top.

She looked up when she heard him approach. “Hey.” She kissed him for a second, running her fingers through the hair at his neck. “Everyone is talking about us”, she whispered, slightly giggling before she went over to her side of the car.

“Thanks to you”, Jon replied, opening his own door and climbing inside the car. He heard her sigh.

“Come on, we can't keep it a secret forever. And it doesn't matter, anyway.”

He was silent for a moment. “Did anyone ask you out today?” He started the motor, rolling onto the street.

Melisandre connected her phone with the car, so they could use it for directions. She had already typed in the place, he had never heard of the street name before. He wondered what she was planning on showing him.

“This one guy from my psychology class wanted to have my number to hit me up or something”, she answered, her voice casual and almost bored.

Jon's grip around the steering wheel tightened. “What's his name?”

  
She shrugged. “Why would I know his name, I don't care.” She looked at him for a second. “I didn't give him my number, if that's your question.”

He clenched his jaw slightly, even though he was relieved. He had not expected it, anyway. “I know”, was all he said regarding the topic, simply concentrating on the traffic.

The directions led him to the other end of town, an area where he had never been before. They finally stopped in front of a huge building, consisting of red stone and looking like a temple of some sorts. Melisandre left the car, so he followed her example.

Jon locked the car and followed her closer to the building, looking up in admiration. “What is this?”

She smiled, reaching for his hand. “It's a temple for the lord of light. It's a small church-like group I guess.” She bit her lip. “You're not religious, are you?”

He shook his head. “No.” His father had been religious, but it had never been quite his thing. At times he would have liked to have a god, though. Maybe some things would have been easier, then.

Melisandre led him inside, through the big gates and into a huge room with a roof so high that it was hard to see. The walls where decorated with candles, shimmering on red stone. It was surprisingly warm, like the heating was running on full power. At the back of the hall Jon notices something like a statue, a formless figure with a huge burning fire on his head. It was quiet apart from the crackling of wood, the clicks of her heels broke the silence as she moves further inside.

“What do you think?” Her voice echoed through the room, seemed to fill it with life.

He was still in awe. “It's very beautiful”, he finally said.

Something like relief flushed over her features, before he pulled him more into the middle of the room. “It's an ancient temple, built about 200 years ago.” She played with his fingers. “It's kind of been my home for the last years.” There was a slight pause. “Well, until I met you.”

Jon was surprised by her open words, he did not quite know what to reply at first. Her eyes were watching him, gleaming in the shine of the candles.

“Are you gonna say something?” she asked, slight amusement in her voice.

He nodded quickly, moving closer and pressing a soft kiss to her lips. He was not even sure if it was allowed in the temple. He felt her smile as he withdraw. “I never had a home”, he finally said.

She frowned a little, but did not interrupt. Her hands rested on his chest, she leaned against him slightly. He could feel the warmth of her body, feel her chest rising regularly.

“But I've always wanted one. And I've found it.” He kissed her again, this time longer. She tasted like cherry, the lingering scent of sweetness mixed with a hint of sour. He almost forgot that they were in a temple, until Melisandre finally broke free.

“Maybe we should continue this somewhere else”, she whispered, a teasing smile on her lips. She moved back, still holding his hand. “Let's go back to your place, shall we?”

He nodded, following her back to the gate. “Sure.”

The street was entirely empty when they left and went over to his car, he watched her adjusting her dress and climbing into the car, before he did so himself. Carefully he closed the door behind her.

“Being a gentleman, are we?” she teased him, taking a look into the front mirror to check her make up. She noticed his look. “What?”

He shook his head. “Nothing. But you're beautiful.”

She actually blushed a little. “Stop that.”

A smile was resting on his lips, as he started the motor and drove back onto the street. “It's only the truth”, he replied.

She smiled, the kind of smile that had the power to light up his entire world. It was crazy, how much one person could change your life completely.

“I'm glad you showed me the temple”, he finally broke the silence.

Melisandre nodded. “Me too.”

 


	3. Unexpected Visitor

 

“Do you have school tomorrow?” Melisandre rolled on her back, eying him. She was laying on his bed, already shirtless and only wearing a red lace bra with her pajama pants. Her copper hair tangled across the sheets.

Jon sighed, just slipping into his shirt for sleep. “Yes, why?”

She sat up, quite obviously checking out his abs. “I thought we could do something a bit more interesting than just sleep.”

 _Ah, that's what the bra was for._ He could not help the smile, but shook his head all the same. “I gotta get up at 6 and it's already after 12.”

She pouted, watching him sit on the bedside. For a moment she hesitated, but then she moved closer and climbed on his lap.

He sighed again. “Mel, come on.” Her fingers traveling over his jaw made him shiver.

She leaned down to kiss him, her tongue sliding into his mouth faster than he could resist. He could taste the wine on her lips, her bare skin felt warm under his hands as he pulled her closer.

For a second, she withdraw from the kiss. “Still a no?” she breathed against his lips, her hands on his neck.

He already knew that he had lost. He kissed her again, more roughly this time. Her teeth bit his bottom lip, his fingers traveled across her back, her spine and to the clip of her bra. For a moment he played with it, as Melisandre freed him of his shirt.

Suddenly, the doorbell rang.

“Don't open it”, Melisandre whispered, lips on the skin of his throat, he hesitated for a moment.

 _It might be something important._ “I'm sorry”, he muttered, grabbed her by her waist and lifted her from his lap.

“Are you kidding me”, she protested, but he just quickly grabbed his shirt and left the room, closing the door behind him. With fast steps he went through the hallway to the door, opening it.

He looked into a familiar face.

“Hey.” His sister Arya stood in front of him, smiling uncertainly. As always she wore her black leather jacket with black ripped jeans, her dark hair was in a bun and cut a bit shorter than when he had last seen her. “Long time no see big brother.”

She hugged him, before she entered the hallway and went straight into the living room, before he could say anything. “Hey Ghost!” he heard her say, as the dog woke up from his sleep and watched her, only to go back to his nap afterwards.

Melisandre was sitting on the couch as they entered, looking up from her phone. Her eyes went to Arya instantly.

His sister shoot him an uneasy look. “Bad timing?” she asked.

“Yes”, Jon answered.

“No”, Melisandre replied in just the same moment. She got up from the couch, smiling. Luckily she was dressed again, wearing a red top and black trousers. “I'm Melisandre”, she introduced herself.

His sister nodded slightly. “I'm Arya. I'm his sister.” There was a short pause. “And you're his..?”

“Arya”, Jon muttered. “Stop it.”

“I'm only curious!” she defended herself. “I've never met your girlfriend before!”

Melisandre only continued to smile, not saying anything.

Jon felt quite uneasy. “What do you want here, anyway? Another fight with your mother?”

Arya sat on the kitchen counter, very well knowing how many times he had told her not to sit there. This time he did not say anything. “Mm”, she only muttered, eyes still on Melisandre. “I like your hair color. Did you dye it?”

Melisandre nodded in surprise. “Thank you, I did.”

Arya sighed. “I wanted too, but my mom said no.” She looked at Jon. “She always says no, to everything!”

He rolled his eyes. “She's your mother, she's only worried about you.”

“What could possibly happen if I dye my hair? I poison myself with it?”

He could not help but laugh. “Does your mother know where you are right now?”

His sister shrugged. “Unless she has me GPS tracked, no.”

“Then call her and tell her where you are and that you'll be back by tomorrow morning!” He sighed as she did not move. “Now, Arya. Unless you want me to drive you home now.”

She jumped from the counter. “Okay, okay, I'll call her.” Getting out her phone, she went back into the hallway.

Jon shook his head, moving over to Melisandre. “I'm sorry.”

She only smiled. “It's fine. She's cute.”

“And annoying”, he added. “But yes, she's my favorite.”

Melisandre frowned slightly. “You never told me”, she said, a little accusing maybe.

“I'm sorry”, he replied, kissing her for a second.

They were interrupted by Arya's voice. “Aww, you're cute!”

Jon withdrew, rolling his eyes. Melisandre smiled in amusement.

“What did your mother say?” he tried to change the topic.

But Arya saw through it. “Not much”, she answered, taking her place on the counter again. “Where did you meet?”

He had the urge to drive her home just now. “College”, he grumbled.

Judging by her smile, Melisandre seemed to enjoy how annoyed he was.

So did Arya, unfortunately. “How long are you together?” she went on, looking at him and then at Melisandre.

“A few months”, the latter replied, since Jon only rolled his eyes. They had never spoken about being in a relationship before, but since the people at college and now his sister knew about them, they probably were in one by now.

“You didn't tell me about her.” Arya's tone was accusing.

Melisandre glanced at him for a second. “He didn't tell me about you either.”

His sister laughed. “Really? Why not, big brother? You always tell me I'm your favorite sister!”

He sighed. “Maybe I didn't want you to annoy her.”

“I'm disappointed”, Arya replied, jumping from the kitchen counter once again. “I'm going to sleep now, though. I'll take your guest room.”

Jon nodded, relieved. “Sure, as always.”

“Goodnight, Mel!” Arya shouted from the hallway, before she slammed the door behind her. It was silent for a few seconds.

Melisandre was smiling in amusement, her eyes on Jon. “I see you kept me a secret.”

He sighed, running his hand through his hair. “I'm sorry. I… wasn't sure what this was between us, to be honest.”

She frowned a little. “So, do you know what it is now?”

“I guess my sister has just defined it for us, hasn't she?”

Melisandre laughed a little. “I guess so.” She bit her lip, hesitating for a brief moment. “So, are you gonna introduce me to the rest of your family? Someday?”

He nodded. “Sure, but I'm not too close with the rest of them apart from Robb.” He was at their college too, however, so he might know already. Perhaps he had called Jon already asking about it, he had not looked at his phone all day. “But yes, I will”, he added.

She smiled, pressing a quick kiss to his lips. “Okay.”

 


	4. Confrontation

It was still dark outside when his alarm went off at 6am, waking Jon up in the most unpleasant way. He sat up sighing, running his hands through his hair.

Melisandre was still sleeping beside him, he always wondered how she could just not hear his alarm. She never did. Her class started later than his so he would let her sleep. For a moment he watched her, watched the risings of her chest and listened to her breathing. The smell of her rosewood perfume lingered in the air.

He got up slowly, dressed himself and left the room quietly, careful not to wake her. Ghost waited for him in the hallway, licking his fingers and running around his legs. Normally he had to go for a walk with him now, but when he had school early Melisandre usually covered for him and took Ghost.

Still half asleep he entered his kitchen and went to the fridge.

Suddenly, there was a voice behind him. “Hey.” Arya said on the counted, legs crossed and a bowl of cereal in her hand.

Jon frowned. “Why are you up already?” he wanted to know, opening the fridge and grabbing some toast. He almost slammed the door.

“I have school soon”, his sister replied. “At 8.” She watched him for a while. “Where's your girlfriend?” she finally said.

He sighed, putting the bread into the toaster and pressing the start button. “Could you stop calling her that?”

She frowned. “Why? Is she not your girlfriend? She said you were together for a few months.”

Jon clenched his jaw, waiting impatiently for the toast to finish. He was not sure what they were, truly. Arya was waiting for an answer, so he had to say something. “I don't know what she is.” It was the truth. Or maybe not, he did not know.

His sister was chewing very concentrated. “Why?” she asked.

He was not too eager to discuss this particular issue with his sister, if he was honest. “It's complicated”, was all he could say.

Arya rolled her eyes. “Do you love her?”

“Yes.” He did not have to think about that.

She nodded. “Does she know that?”

He frowned, confused. The toast was ready, he took it out and put it on his plate. “I don't know”, he answered, getting the butter out of the fridge. “I guess so.”

She shook her head. “Have you never told her?” She jumped from the counter, putting the empty bowl into the dishwasher. “You're stupid, Jon”, she added. “Just tell her and stop being a coward, it's not that hard!”

“Why do you give me relationship advise if you never had one yourself?”

His sister only left the kitchen, laughing. “I gotta leave for school!”

 

It was midday when he finished his classes, leaving the building. It was quite a warm day, the sun was shining lightly by now and the red and golden leaves on the ground seemed to glow in its light.

Jon noticed Robb not far from him, standing in a small group of other guys. He had left him a voice message the day before, but Jon had not bothered to answer or even listened to it. He passed the group now, greeting his brother shortly, hoping to get away.

But Robb followed him. “Jon, hey man, wait for a second.”

He stopped and turned around. “Good morning.”

“I called you yesterday!” His brother grinned at him. “I heard you got a new chick!”

Jon nodded, uneasy. He really wished his brother would not call her that, but he knew that saying something would only make it worse.

“Is it something serious?” Robb laughed. “I can't believe someone finally got her, I've been trying for months!”

Jon clenched his jaw. _For months?_ She had never told him. On purpose, probably. “It's serious”, he simply said.

Robb nodded. “You gonna introduce her to us?”

_Not to you._ “Maybe, don't know yet”, he muttered.

His brothers eyes were fixed on something behind him. “Well, I think I see your girlfriend.”

Jon turned around, watching Melisandre approach the two of them. She wore a black ripped jeans today, paired with a red crop top which did anything but cover much. A red ruby navel ring was visible.

She stopped next to Jon. “Hey”, she greeted him, smiling. Her eyes went to Robb. “Hey too.”

Robb did take pains to not stare at her, but he failed terribly. The top seemed to distract him terribly.   
Melisandre did not even seem to notice. She even tried to initiate a conversation. “How were your classes today?” she asked, since Jon did not make an attempt to say anything.

His brother only smiled charmingly. “Quite good, actually. You're doing psychology, aren't you?”

She nodded. “I am.”

Jon was close to running away. He turned to Melisandre. “Don't we have some appointment where we have to be?”

She looked up to him in confusion for a second, but then she nodded. “Yes, of course.” She smiled at his brother one last time. “Sorry, we gotta go.”

Robb patted Jon's shoulder. “Have fun, brother.”

“Bye”, Jon muttered, taking Melisandre's hand and leading her in direction of the parking lot quickly.

She almost had to run to catch up. “Are you always that unfriendly to your brother?” she wanted to know. “He seems nice.”   
Jon froze. “He tried to hit on you. He told me.”

“So?” She only frowned. “A lot of people do, that doesn't mean that he isn't nice.”

He grinned his teeth. “You didn't tell me. He is my brother, he should not hit on my _girlfriend_.”

There was something on her face where he was not quite sure what it was, maybe anger. Or maybe fear. She was quiet for a few seconds. “I did not even know if I was your girlfriend back then.” Her voice was very low, but he understood her just fine.

It made him even more angry. “So it was okay for you to flirt with other guys? With my brother?”

She stared at him in disbelief. “I did not flirt with them, especially not with your brother. You know that.” Her tone was still calm, but her eyes spoke a different language. “Don't blame this on me when you were the one too afraid to take this a step further!”

“Then why didn't you tell me?” He was more than accusing. But the insecurity was eating him alive, had been lingering at the back of his head the whole time. He needed to get it out, right now.

Melisandre clenched her jaw., her eyes seemed to burn. “I don't have to tell you every little thing that happens to me”, she snapped.

He laughed bitterly. “You knew that Robb was not a little thing! What did he do, ask you out? Give you his number?” He had to know, just had to. His brother had always been popular, especially among the girls and he had always been the one who was overshadowed. Never had he been more than 'Robb's brother'.

She was silent for a moment. “This was exactly why I didn't tell you. Because I know you'd freak out.” Her eyes were almost sad now. “Do you trust me so little?”

“It's kind of hard to trust you.” He did not mean to say it, actually, but the words left his mouth before he could stop himself.

Melisandre's face showed no reaction at the words, but she took a small step back. Her eyes met his for a second. “Well, that's good to know”, was all she said. Her voice was cold, the anger was gone. Nothing was left but indifference.

He would have preferred anger. Anger was soothing, anger helped, but this was only cold. Only nothing. No more than a million broken pieces shattered on the floor.

Without saying anything more she turned around and left, not looking back.

_I love you,_ he thought. But never said it.


	5. Heartbreak

It was dark outside and raining, but inside the temple it was warm and dry. The candles on the walls were motionless, the air was thick with the smell of ash and burning wood. It was soothing, familiar.

Melisandre sat on one of the benches, legs crossed beneath her. She has been here for hours, arrived right after her classes. The first one she had skipped because it was with Jon and she did not mean to see him. Two days since their fights and there was still nothing but cold, nothing but silence. She seemed to wonder if it had even been real. Maybe it had just been fun to him, maybe just sex.

She felt like crying, but the tears didn't come. The day before she had locked herself in her room all day trying to cry, but it had not worked. She could not remember when she had been able to do it last, must have been years ago. Her friend Selyse had tried to cheer her up all day, but that had not worked either.

Today at college, she had been wanting to flirt with Robb just as revenge, but he had only come to her to ask what was wrong with her and Jon. Of course, the whole school knew. The gossip did not bother her, only the fact that all the guys seemed to avoid her because a heartbroken girl was everything but fun. But she was not heartbroken, was she?

If you are heartbroken, you cry. She had seen that with Selyse dozens of times, when her on-off boyfriend Stannis had left her again and she cried herself to sleep. _That_ was heartbroken. Melisandre was just… upset? Maybe that was the right word. Disappointed, also good.

But she was not heartbroken. Not even sad. He did not have that much power over her.

_Or did he?_ Perhaps she was not as sure of that as she thought. His words were still in her mind, like an echo that lingered somewhere in her head. They had hurt like crazy, if she was completely honest. She hoped that he did not know that.

Why was she even thinking about him, still? If he did not want her, it was his problem. She could have everyone without trying, why cry about him?

She wished that it would be that easy. That she could just switch a button and forget about him. She had always wished that for her feelings, some way to get rid of them. Because they were always in the way, always holding her back. Maybe it was the fear that held her back with Jon. Maybe it was her fault, after all.

On the other hand, she had made it perfectly clear that it was something serious for her. She had told him in fact, more than once. But he had never done the same, had always backed away. Which made her wonder if it had been a relationship after all.

Melisandre sighed, trying to think of something else. But in the silence of the temple, her thoughts kept circling around him. _Was she in love with him, truly?_ She did not know, since she had never been before and had nothing to compare it too, but she had never felt quite the same for somebody else before. She missed him like crazy, if that meant anything. Missed everything about him. Even his stupid, unnecessary jealousy which used to annoy her so much. Now she missed it. Someone caring about you was nicer than she had expected and she had grown too used to it by now.

_Maybe he never cared about you anyway._ The thought kept coming back to her mind, kept making her insecure. Was it all a lie? No, she would have known. _Really?_

She tried to distract herself by pulling out her phone and checking her instagram, but the distraction backfired as Jons face was the first thing she saw on her time line. Even worse: he was not alone. The picture showed him with a girl she knew from college, her name was crazy complicated and she could not remember it, but Jon and her had quite some classes together. The description below the picture was a heart, no more. And her hair was red as well. Obviously he had found a replacement real quick.

The feeling she felt was new to Melisandre, entirely new. Jealousy, maybe. Or just simple sadness. Or heartbreak, finally. She was close to tossing her phone on the floor, burning it, just to make the picture go away, but instead she chose something else. She chose revenge.

Quickly, she dialed Robb's phone number. After a few seconds, he picked up.

“Melisandre, hey.” Obviously she was in his contacts, otherwise he could not have known that it was her. That was a place to start.

She smiled to herself. “Hey. I was wondering if you have plans for this evening.”

There was a short silence. “I don't, actually. Why?”

“You want to meet in the bar? Have some drinks?” She prayed that he would say yes. But judging from the way he had stared at her at school, he would.

She was right, of course. “Yeah, sure”, he answered. “What time?”

“8”, she replied. “I'll meet you there.”

She hang up, the picture of Jon and the girl appearing on her phone once again. He had tagged her, so she clicked on her profile. _Ygritte._ What a name. She scrolled through her photos quickly, but there was not much interesting. No pictures more pictures with Jon. She felt something like relief, but also determination.

_If Jon planned to make her jealous, he did not know her very well._

 

It was shortly after 8 when Melisandre entered the bar, noticing Robb in one of the corners instantly. Against her first intention she had chosen an outfit which did indeed cover quite much, apart from her stomach since she wore a crop top.

“Hey”, she greeted him as she placed herself on the bar stool next to him.

He smiled. “Hey. What's up?”

She shrugged. “Nothing, why?”

He laughed, leaning back slightly. “Jon and you broke up didn't you?”

“I guess we did”, she answered, before leaning over to the woman behind the bar to order vodka lemon. She hated vodka, actually, but she didn't mind. This feeling had to go away, instantly. She could not stand feeling to weak.

“Wow, that bad?” Robb commented, when the vodka appeared in front of her. “What happened between you, anyway?”

She rolled her eyes, picking the little glass up and drinking it quickly in one shot. The alcohol burned in her throat, but it overshadowed the ache of her heart for a moment. “Another one”, she muttered to the woman, before turning back to Robb. “Nothing happened between us, but he wasn't worth my time anymore.” Two lies in one, but she didn't

care. Better than admitting that he had left her.

Robb stayed silent for a moment. “He's quite upset about it, you know. And you seem to be too.” He frowned slightly, as she drank the second vodka.

“I'm not upset at all”, Melisandre objected quickly. She could already feel the alcohol clouding her brain, but it made her feel better. Warm, kind of.

“Then why did you call me?” he wanted to know now, while she ordered the third glass. “Maybe you should slow down a bit”, he commented.

Melisandre rolled her eyes. “What are you, my babysitter?”

He had to laugh. “Oh, I don't hope so!” For the first time he took a sip from his own drink. “Did you call me here to drink?”

She looked down at the glass for a moment, starred into the clear liquid, moving it between her fingers. “Usually I don't drink”, she informed him, before washing down this glass as well. The liquor burned like fire on her tongue, but it was an odd kind of comforting. She set the glass down slowly. “I actually don't know why I called you.” She really could not remember it clearly anymore, her thoughts were kind of blurred.

Robb laughed. “Well, now we're here. We might as well make the best of it.”

She only smiled, moving a little closer. She was not even sure why she did it, her body just reacted. Now she could smell his cologne, which was heavy but good, darker than the one Jon wore. _Jon._ His name burned in her mind like the alcohol on her tongue, even now where she had trouble thinking clearly. The edges of her vision seemed to blur, she had to blink a few times.

Robb was actually pretty close to her now, she could not remember moving that close. But a few seconds later she also could not remember why she had in fact leaned forward and kissed him, why she had thought that _that_ could be a good idea. It wasn't, of course, luckily Robb seemed to share that thought because he withdraw after only a few seconds.

“We shouldn't”, he simply said.

Melisandre pouted. “Still mad that I preferred your brother?”

He laughed. “A little, actually.” His eyes watched her for a second. “I should get you home, I think you had enough to drink.”

He was probably right, but even by now she was not feeling better. There was still that feeling that she could not quite explain, that was entirely new to her. She refused to name it heartbreak. Jon had not broken her heart, he was not that powerful.

Robb was waiting for an answer, so she muttered an “Alright” in his direction and got up from the stool. Or better tried to get up, since she world was suddenly spinning and she had almost fallen, if he had not caught her by the waist.

“Like I said, you had enough”, he laughed, putting some money on the counter and pushing her out of the bar.

She had quite some trouble walking on her heels, since things which should not be moving around her suddenly moved and made it quite hard to focus on her legs. She could not remember ever being this drunk.

He got her in the car, somehow, and drove her home, but back in her room she did something even more stupid than making out with Jons brother. She dialed his number and called him. In the morning she could not recall how she could have been this dumb, but on this evening she did not care at all.

He answered after a few seconds. “Melisandre”, he greeted, everything but happy. His voice seemed to rip the heart out of her chest, even though she was black out drunk. After the vodka in the bar she had gotten herself a bottle of red wine from the fridge and finished it by now, the taste of the grapes still in her mouth. They tasted as bitter as his voice.

In the background she could hear someone talking, a female voice obviously. She had no idea what she was saying. “Is that her?”

There was a short pause. “Who?”

She laughed a little. “Your new chick. Heard you found a replacement for me.”

Another pause. “Are you drunk?” he wanted to know. Maybe it was concern in his words. Or maybe it was the wine in her head.

“Yes”, she replied. “Answer my question.”

This time the silence lasted longer. “Yes”, was the final answer.

Melisandre hang up, dropping the phone and kicking it under her bed. She did not even want to see it anymore. For a second, she just said there motionless. And then she started to cry. Two days and no tears, but now they seemed to come all at once. _I hate him so much._ She wept quietly, feeling the wetness running down her cheeks.

Then, she reached for the phone. Once again she dialed the number, her fingers shaking. It took him longer to answer this time.

“What”, was the greeting this time. No more than one harsh word.

She gave her best to not let him hear her cry. “I was with your brother today.” She hesitated for a brief moment, but the alcohol had loosened her tongue too much. “ _And he's a much better kisser than you!”_ She hang up again, before burying her face in her hands and starting to sob.

 


	6. The day after

It was still dark outside when Jon went out on his balcony, searching in the pocket of his jacket for his pack of cigarettes. The sun had not yet risen, the sky was a dark blue and the moon was gleaming softly between the white clouds. It was completely silent, not a sound was to hear. He took out his lighter and let it flick, the little flame burning against the cold. He watched it for a second, dancing in the light wind. Then he took a cigarette out, lighting it and inhaling the smoke deeply. In fact he had not smoked for quite some time, not after he had met Melisandre, but today he just felt like it.

The phone call had been nearly two hours ago and he was still not over it. His hands were still trembling a little, as he hold the cigarette between his fingers. He could not recall ever being so angry in his life before. Robb had always been the one freaking out, the one exploding. Jon on the other hand was always cool and reserved, keeping it together. But she had pushed a button there.

_He's a much better kisser than you._

He exhaled the smoke, watching it stand out against the dark night sky. His lungs were not used to smoking anymore, he had the impulse to cough. It tasted terribly, if he was honest. But it helped him calm down.

Sam, Ygritte and some other friends of him had come over when she had called, luckily he had left the room when he saw her number, so only Ygritte saw him throwing the phone against the wall as he heard her last words. She had been horribly drunk, he heard it in her voice, but it had not numbed the pain in any way.

It was still there, deep in his chest. He regretted what he had said to her on the campus, regretted being a coward and not apologize later. Now it was to late, the damage was done. He had lied to her, about Ygritte. She was just a friend of his, a friend of Sam, someone he liked hanging out with. The picture on Instagram had been intentionally, but he had not expected such a reaction from her. Even though he should have. He knew her a little, after all.

The cigarette glimmed red in the darkness, he took another draw and exhaled the smoke. He vaguely remembered promising Arya that he would stop, but it did not matter right now. Melisandre used alcohol, he used cigarettes. Each in their own way.

He heard his phone making a noise inside, obviously he had got a text message. Quickly, he ashed and went back inside, closing the door behind him. His phone laid on his couch, luckily not damaged from his little explosion earlier. He grabbed it, a message from Sam appeared on the screen.

_Wanna come to a party tonight? Whole College's coming. Received, 4:55am._

Whole college meant that Melisandre would probably be there too, he was not looking forward to it. On the other hand, he would actually like some distraction.

_I'll be there. Sent, 4:57am._

Jon put the phone down, leaning back and closing his eyes for a second. He could hear Ghost's footsteps from the hallway. He would have to go for a walk with him soon, then shower and leave for school. He had morning classes today, all three of them with Melisandre. Another highlight of his day. He was not sure if he could face her just yet. _Her, or Robb._

He was just as angry with his brother as he was with her. How could be possibly think that it was okay to make out with her just barely two days after their break up? If they even had a break up. If they even had a _relationship._ He was not too certain about that anymore.

 

It was still early when he arrived at college that morning, most of the others were not yet there. However, it took him not long to notice that Melisandre was in fact already there. He watched her from a distance, with a strange feeling.

She was standing in a group with her friend Selyse and her boyfriend Stannis, who was looking as grim as usual.   
Melisandre was wearing an oversized jeans jacket over a dress, covering only little of her thighs. She was wearing her fishnet tights, heels and a heavy coat of foundation, as well as eyeliner. Her night had not been very good either, obviously. Her hair was in two loose braids, falling down her back and the copper glowed in the sun. For a moment, he could only stare.

Suddenly, another person appeared in Jons field of vision. His attention shifted immediately. _Robb._ His brother seemed to have noticed him too, because he started to make his way towards him. He looked a little guilty, almost.

“Hey”, Robb greeted, stopping before him. He eyed him carefully.

Jon clenched his jaw, trying to hold the anger in. He was close to just punching him in the face. But he restrained himself.

“Listen, man, I don't know what you've heard, but-”

He interrupted his brother. “What I have _heard_? Has she not told you that she called me?” His voice was slightly too loud, but no one stood close enough to recognize, luckily.

Robb ran his hand through his hair. “She had, actually. But it was not like you think, okay?”

“No? How was it, then?”

His brother sighed. “She was blackout drunk, okay? She had no idea what she was doing. Actually, she seemed rather upset about your break up!”

“So you thought it's okay to take advantage of that?” The anger was back, boiling inside him ready to explode.

“No!” Robb countered. “It was _not_ like that. I did not take advantage of anything!”

Jon grinned his teeth. “That's what you always say.”

His brother rolled his eyes. “Come on, you're overreacting.”

“ _Overreacting?”_ He was almost yelling by now. Sometimes his brother was the most arrogant person he knew. It had always been like this, since childhood.

Robb was actually laughing now. “If you're still so much into her, brother, why were so stupid to let her go?”

There was a moment of silence, before Robb patted him on the shoulder, turned around and left without another world.

Jon swallowed heavily, his eyes moving back to Melisandre who was still standing a few paces away from him. Robb moved past her now, stopping for a second and leaning down to her, saying something that he could not understand. He saw Melisandre frowning, before she nodded. Her lips formed a word, Robb moved along. She turned back to Selyse and Stannis, so he could only see her back.

The anger was still driving him crazy, he felt the desperate need for a cigarette. Instead, he made his way into the building, trying to escape. If he had to see her and his brother for another second, he would loose his temper for real.

He arrived too late for his lesson, being the last one to slip into the room. Quickly, he said down next to Sam and took out his books, his eyes searching for Melisandre. She said across the room, next to a girl he didn't know and was obviously drawing something instead of actually listening. For a few seconds he watched her, moving the pen across the paper and forming lines.

Sam's voice ripped him out of his thoughts. “If you stare at her more obviously, you might as well go over there and talk to her.”

Quickly, he looked away. “I'm good”, he informed his friend.

Sam sighed. “Listen, man. I understand that she is hot and everything and that you have a giant crush on her, but she's not worth all the stress you're having right now.” He leaned a little closer. “Party tonight, right? You're coming!”

“Sure”, Jon muttered, trying to shift his focus back to the lesson. He failed miserably though, since his friend was obviously not done talking yet.

“Ygritte is coming too”, Sam went on. “Maybe you wanna hook up with her instead of your fire girl? Get some distraction.”

He only rolled his eyes. “Not interested.”

“Why not? She's super chilled!”

Sometimes Sam could be the most annoying person ever. “If you like her that much, why don't you hook up with her yourself?” he asked, turning away and trying to listen to the teacher's voice.

Sam interfered, however. “Oh no, she's not my type. But you, you like redheads!” He vaguely pointed in Melisandre's direction, who seemed to have noticed that, since she looked up for a moment. Her eyes met Jon's for a second, before she looked away.

_Fantastic._ “Can you be a little for discrete, please?”

Sam only laughed. “Calm down, man.”

Jon rolled his eyes, trying to ignore Sam for the rest of the lesson.

After school, he smoked a quick cigarette before getting into his car, leaning back in his seat and closing his eyes. The party better be really damn good, otherwise he would lose his mind over this.


	7. Party I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hold me, break me  
> My breath is for holding, overdose me  
> I need you in my bloodstream  
> Hold me, break me, break me

It was 9pm when Melisandre arrived at the party, which was taking place in the west end of the city. The hosts were the lannister twins, the richest people in town. They were famous for their money, golden hair and high end clothes and infamous for their rather unusual sibling bond. Not many people came near them and especially not between them, since they were always more than close together. Melisandre had never seen them separated, actually.

She reached the house in a group of other people, greeted by Cersei who was standing in the huge hallway of their giant house. Jaime was near by, of course, sitting on the stairs behind her and drinking a bottle of beer. The lipstick stains on the brown glass showed that he was obviously sharing it with his sister.

“Mel, I'm so glad you came!” Cersei hugged her, even though they had barely ever spoken a word. She smelled like perfume and alcohol, and not little of it. She was wearing a golden dress which suited her hair and barely covered anything, even though it was not much different from the one Melisande was wearing herself. Maybe she did not even notice how she dressed anymore. There was no more Jon to point it out.

Much to her surprise she felt Jaime's eyes wander about her own curves, even though she was sure that all his attention was on his sister. Their special relationship was common knowledge, even if no one ever said so out loud.

Cersei pointed down the hallway, her emerald eyes glowing from the alcohol. “Drinks are in the living room and the kitchen, snacks too and if you want something to smoke go to the garden!” She smiled one last time, before turning away and returning to the door.

Melisandre watched her for a moment, as she took her brother's bottle and took a deep swallow. Jaime said something and Cersei giggled, returning the bottle. Her eyes were sparkling, and not only due to the alcohol.

She turned away, leaving the twins behind. She wondered if that had been the way she looked at Jon. If her eyes had had the same sparkle.

The living room was crowded. Smoke was hanging thickly in the air, it smelled like liquor and cigarettes. The doors to the garden were open and groups of people were standing or sitting outside on the grass, smoking weed or playing drinking games. Melisandre noticed Robb in one of those groups, making her way towards him.

Selyse had said she and Stannis were going to come as well, but she was not too sure of that. Stannis hated parties, and Selyse hated going without him.

“How's it going?” she greeted Robb, as she said next to him in the grass. She noticed Theon Greyjoy among the other guys, but nobody else she knew. They were playing 'have you ever', obviously, with shots.

“I'm losing”, he complained, just in that moment taking another shot. He was just drunk enough to not mind her presence, which was a wonder, since he had just told her today that they should maintain some distance after Jon had made him a scene.

“Can I join in?” she asked, immediately getting a shot glass thrown over by Theon.

“Let's see how much you can take, beautiful”, he laughed, seeming just drunk enough himself.

Robb rolled his eyes. “She'll be drunk after two rounds, I'll bet.”

She could only laugh, as he filled her glass with vodka. Her eyes automatically wandered over the groups of people, but she could not see Jon yet. Perhaps he would not come, spare her the pain.

Theon started the game now, so her attention shifted back. “Have you ever gotten a tattoo?”

He himself drank, but apart from that Melisandre was the only one taking her shot. The alcohol burned on her tongue, in her throat, but the pain was welcome. It was a much better one that the one of heartbreak.

Robb was looking at her in surprise now. “Where?”

“Now we want to see it!” one of his other friends yelled, but she simply laughed.

“Dream on.”

Robb grinned, before Theon urged him to continue. “Have you ever played strip poker”, he said, raising his glass and drinking.

This time Melisandre was actually slightly embarrassed as she drank, but since the whole group joined her it felt a little less awkward.

“I would like to play strip power with you”, Theon commented, getting a warning look from Robb. “Just the truth, sorry.”

She laughed, starting to get up. “I'll get something to drink from inside.”

“Sure”, Robb nodded, already busy with the game again.

Melisandre made her way inside, already feeling a little dizzy from the alcohol. She hurried to get inside, where the music was so loud that she could feel the vibrations in her body. The kitchen was on the backside of the house, as she discovered, as she entered she found Cersei and Jaime again. She was sitting on his lap, the two of them sharing a bottle of scotch. Melisandre quietly grabbed a bottle of champagne for herself, before leaving and opening it in the hallway. She could feel the sparkling on her tongue as she drank and the sweet flavor filled her mouth. _Much better than vodka._

She was actually beginning to feel quite good and relaxed, but as she entered the living room again she had to find out that Jon had arrived by now. He was standing in the garden, wearing black jeans with a black shirt, the first two buttons open. To her surprise he was smoking a cigarette, which made her frown a little. On the other hand was she just emptying a bottle of champagne on her own, so she should probably not be judging.

 

The party was too loud and too crowded for his liking, but at least he had not yet seen Melisandre somewhere. That was about to change, however, as he entered the living room again, searching for Sam who he had lost. Melisandre was sitting on the couch between a girl and a guy he had only seen once in his life, holding a bottle of much too expensive champagne and wearing little more than a shirt if he was honest. Maybe he should not have come.

Her eyes went up now and found him, for a moment he remained still. But then he broke free, quickly turning away and making his way towards the hallway, which was hopefully more empty.

However, he suddenly heard a voice behind him, calling his name. He knew who it was before he turned, but was still surprised when he saw Melisandre. She seemed to have trouble walking already, as she was holding her balance only due to support from the wall. “Can we talk for a second?” she asked, her eyes clouding with alcohol.

He wondered how much she had to drink. Actually he was not particular eager to talk to her, but he nodded all the same.

“Since when do you smoke?”

That had been the last question he expected. He frowned a little. “I quit, actually, but sometimes I just do it again.”

“Just like you quit me?” She moved closer now, he could smell the rosewood.

He was not able to move. “I guess”, he answered, still.

There were only inches between them now. She smiled a little. “Then we can just do it again, can't we?”

We knew what she would do, knew it even before she spoke the words, but he did not back away. Deep inside him, he had wanted this, wanted this the whole time, had come to this party with this intention.

As her lips met his, the world seemed to stop moving. He could taste the liquor on her tongue, the desperation on her lips. Her nails were digging into his neck as she ran her fingers through his hair, pressed her body against his, as close as possible. He knew that it was wrong, that he should not be doing it, especially not with her drunk, but he could not stop. It was like an addiction, a craving he could no longer control.

He picked her up, her legs curling around his body. The next door was the bathroom, or at least he hoped it would be. Luckily, he was right.

He let her down and pressed her against the wall, his lips never leaving hers. He could feel the heat of her body in every cell of his body, their kissed turning more rough and much more teeth than tongue. Her fingers found the buttons of his shirt, opening the third one. Her fingers danced over his chest, electrifying his skin.   
This was the moment he realized what was happening.

He shrieked back, bringing a few paced of space between them. He was out of breath, breathing in and out fast and irregularity. “We shouldn't”, he whispered.

Her eyes were big and clear, blue as an ocean. Her hair was messed up and single strands of copper were framing her face. “We should”, she objected, moving closer. Her hands found his neck, but he withdraw.

He couldn't. Not anymore, not now that he was thinking straight again.

For a moment, she only looked at him. And then she started to cry.

Jon was too shook to react at first, only staring at her in shock. The tears ran down her cheeks and she was sobbing, turning away slightly so he would not see. He still did, of course. He watched her sank down the wall, sitting on the cold white bathroom floor. The sobs were the only sounds, apart from the distant music from the living room.

He keeled down next to her, slowly. He had no idea why she was crying out of a sudden, but this had never been his intention. “I'm sorry”, was all he said.

Melisandre only shot him a quick look, before turning away again.

“What's wrong?” he tried again, this time hoping for an answer.

She quickly whipped the tears away with her fingers, before she looked at him again. “What isn't?” she replied quietly. There was another sob, then silence for a few seconds. “Leave me alone.” Her voice was shaking, but there was determination in the words.

He did not move. “Should I bring you home?”

“No. You should leave me alone.” There was more anger now. Her eyes were still filled with tears. The mascara had left black stains on her cheeks.

He sighed. “I won't.”

More silence, she got up quietly and went to the sink. The running water filled the air for a few seconds, while she washed her face and made the mascara residues disappear.   
He got up slowly, approaching her. “Melisandre-” he started, but she interrupted her.

“Can you just leave, please?” She did not turn around, but their eyes met in the mirror. He was not sure if she was still drunk or if the crying had made her sober. She closed her eyes for a moment, before she turned around to face him. “I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean for you to see me cry. You don't have to act like your concerned now, just leave. Make it easier.”

His jaw dropped. “I'm not _acting_ like I'm concerned!”

Her eyes were cold now, the blue shimmering like ice. “Yeah well, you didn't care about my feeling before, did you.” And with that, she left the room.

The door fell shut behind her, and then there was only silence.

_I thought I deserved something more than silence._

 


	8. Party II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm waiting for the afterlife  
> To show me a good time, baby  
> Somebody save me, I just wanna be loved

The cool air of the night welcomed her, as Melisandre stepped outside in front of the house for a moment. The night sky was black and covered in stars, the moon shining almost as bright as the lamp above the door. It had become colder, but she did not feel it. All she felt were his hands, his lips, his everything. His smell was still in her lips, the distant taste of cigarettes still on her tongue.

A voice ripped her out of her thoughts. To her surprise, Cersei stepped out of the darkness. “You want?” she asked, offering her the cigarette which glowed in her right hand. “It's strawberry flavor!”   
Melisandre hesitated for a moment, but then she nodded and took it, inhaling the smoke for a second. Her dark red lips left a stain on the paper. She returned it to Cersei. “What are you doing here?” she wanted to know. The cold air cleared her thoughts, making her much too sober. She only tasted the strawberry now.

“Don't want Jaime to see me smoking”, Cersei replied, her lips in a little smile. “You won't tell him, will you?”

She shook her head. In fact, she had never talked to Jaime Lannister in her entire life so they would most probably never get to this topic anyway.

Cersei watched the smoke for a moment, as it unfolded in the air. She seemed to be freezing, since her fingers were shaking slightly. As she turned back to Melisandre, her eyes seemed to gleam in the moonlight like emeralds. “You hooked up in there? You and your guy? Saw you leaving together.”

There was a moment of silence. “No”, Melisandre answered then. “Just talked.” More or less true.

“Talking is overrated”, Cersei replied to that.   
She was not sure if it was really the best to take relationship advice from Cersei Lannister, but she simply nodded. “Guess it is.” She turned to go inside. “You're coming?”

Cersei shook her head. “Gonna smoke another one.” She smiled, ashing her cigarette and taking out the next. Her thin fingers smashed the taste capsule and she lightened it, inhaling deeply. The smoke rose in the air, standing out in white against the darkness of the night. Her eyes followed its movement, reflected the moonlight.

Melisandre went back inside slowly, the warm air hugging her like a coat. She closed the door, walking down the hallway, just as Jaime Lannister crossed her path.

His eyes went over her for a second, then he stopped. “You seen my sister?”

For a second she hesitated, but then she shook her head. “No, sorry.”

“Sure”, he muttered, continuing his way.

Melisandre was just entering the living room by now, the music already heavy in her eyes. Actually she just wanted to leave, but she did not want to be alone at home either, so she would just stay a bit longer. She had just made her way inside, as Theon came her direction.

He held a red cup, a suspicious dark liquid in it. “There you are, been searching for you!” He was completely drunk and high, she could smell the weird mixture of alcohol and weed on him. “You want?” he asked now, offering her the cup.

She frowned, slightly amused. “What's that?”

“Coke”, he answered, grinning. “With a little vodka, maybe.”

Melisandre couldn't help the smile, but took the cup and drank a deep sip. It was definitely more vodka than coke, the taste gave it away. Not that she cared, anyway. She finished it quickly, returning the cup. The world seemed a little lighter, again. She had a slight feeling of nausea already but she did not mind, as long as it made her forget the scene in the bathroom. She aspired to be so hangover tomorrow that she would not remember one bit of it.

 

Jon watched her from outside the house, standing in the garden, his eyes never leaving her. Theon Greyjoy was busy making her drunk, that was unable to not notice, even from far away. Actually he was of the opinion that Melisandre had had enough to drink, but she seemed to disagree. He clenched his jaw, as she emptied the second cup and returned it to him. He felt like she was spinning out of control. The Melisandre he had gotten to know about a year ago had not been like that, she had not gotten drunk at parties and not flirted with every guy in a ten meter radius.

Somehow, he felt responsible. Maybe this was his fault.

Theon left to get another cup, but this time Jon decided to act on it. He squeezed himself through the crowd of dancing people and followed him down the hallway into the kitchen. Hidden behind the door frame, he watched as the other man filled about half a bottle vodka and no more than a slight shot of coke into the cup.

But when Theon wanted to leave, he stepped into the way.

“Jon, hey man”, Theon greeted him. “What's up? I'd love to talk, but I'm rather busy right now.” He wanted to slide past him, but Jon put his arm in the door frame.

“Busy making girls drunk so they don't see how much of an idiot you are?”

He only laughed. “You're just jealous, aren't you!”

Jon clenched his jaw, still blocking the door frame. “Listen to me, Theon. You can make her drunk, alright, talk to her, also okay, but if you dare to touch her I swear to you that I will-”

A voice behind him interrupted him. “What is going on here?” Melisandre stood in the hallway, looking first to him and then to Theon. He was not sure if he had ever seen her so angry in her life. She kicked Jons arm away, took the cup out of Theon's hands and took a deep sip. “Leave us, please.” It was not a question.

Theon obeyed, luckily, leaving the room as quickly as possible. “Have fun”, he muttered, as he went past Jon.

Melisandre's eyes were sparkling with fury. “What do you think you are doing?” She was almost yelling, but the music was loud enough to cover it up.

“Didn't you notice what he was trying to do?”

She laughed, but it sounded bitter. “Of course I noticed, do you think I'm stupid?”

“So you liked it”, he concluded, the realization of that hurting even more. _How did it even come that far?_

“It's none of your business if I liked it or not”, she snapped. “It's my life, not yours. And you don't have the right to to make my decisions for me!”

He sighed. “That was not what I was trying to do.”

“No? Then what was it what you were trying to do?” She finished the cup in one shot, slamming it onto the table once it was empty. Her fingers were shaking.

For a moment, he was not sure what to answer. Then he decided in favor of the truth. “Because I worry about you.”

Her face changed, only for a second. There was something like hurt, like understanding, maybe. But her answer was just as cold as the rest of her features. “That comes a bit too late.”

He made a step towards her, carefully. “You weren't like this before, I feel like… you've changed.”

“Maybe you just didn't know me well enough”, she replied, no hint of emotion in her voice. She was just stating a fact. Her eyes were clouding from the alcohol, blue oceans, troubled by waves.

Maybe he didn't, after all. Maybe this had been an illusion, a way of wishful thinking. A change of reality. He felt dreadfully sad, out of a sudden. “Maybe I didn't. But I know that you weren't the person you are trying to be right now, getting drunk, all these guys-”

She interrupted him. “My 'guys' are none of your business. We're not together anymore, you saw to that.”

“ _I_ saw to that?” He was angry now, his voice growing louder. “You were the one who lied to me, who-” he stopped, paused for a moment. “You're making it very easy for yourself. Blaming me is simple, I get that.”

There was something like fear in her eyes, some emotion he could not quite grasp. She took a deep breath, her fingers closing around the edge of the table. “You said you didn't trust me”, she sounded calm now, the words were quiet, almost softly spoken. “Like I was some kind of whore.” She looked at him, biting her lip. “I think I'll leave now.”

Jon shook his head. “Sure, now you're leaving. When it's getting complicated, you're leaving! _I_ was not planning on ending our relationship after one fight we had, you decided that. You alone. Now don't act like I let you go because I didn't. You were the one who ended things.”

There was a brief moment of silence, where she only stared at him. She looked like he had just slapped her in the face. Perhaps the truth had been too much for her. In fact, she looked like she was about to cry. This time, however, she didn't.

“This time, you're not going to be the one who gets to leave”, he finished, turning around and leaving the kitchen.

Maybe he had just been trying to long, to hard. Had been clinging to something that had been meant to break in the first place, something that had never been real. Perhaps they had been fooling themselves all along.

He left the house straight away, feeling a little relieved as he reached the cold air of the night outside. It had been a mistake to come here today in the first place.

Space might be the right thing, now. Just space. He was done with her now, he was sure of that. He had only needed to get the words out of his system, to just be honest for once. Now he felt free, felt better. It was not his fault, not completely. He was ready to move on, to get over it. _Over her._

 


	9. Regrets I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Real life is make believe  
> All that glitters isn't gold for me  
> Save me from everyone
> 
> Bite your tongue  
> Don't say anything  
> You look perfect in this light to me  
> Save me from everything

It was 2pm when Melisandre's last class finished the next Monday and she entered the college's bathroom. She was completely tired from her morning class of psychology, almost falling asleep during it. Luckily she didn't.

She stepped in front of the dirty mirror, which had little cracks on the edges and was covered in a gray-like film, blurring the glass. For a moment, she looked at the image of herself, the person she was on the outside. Maybe not on the inside. Or maybe also on the inside, who knew.

Melisandre had never thought of herself as pretty or beautiful, but others had always told her that she was. _Jon_ had actually also told her that, multiple times. Still, it did not seem to be enough. Perhaps that was her curse. Beauty on the outside, but not so much on the inside. Maybe he had realized that.

Her eyes examined her face.

The heavy overdrawn red lips, the long eyelashes which were only like that when she coated them in mascara, the too high cheekbones which were sticking out too much.

The copper hair, flowing over her shoulders in soft beach waves, only because she covered it in hair dye every month and used a curling iron every morning.

_Maybe she wasn't that beautiful after all, was just fooling everyone._

Make up made her feel better, more secure, but eventually people would see her without it. Like Jon did. And then they would leave.

The door opened, suddenly, breaking the silence like glass of the mirror. Noise could be heard for a second, distant, moving away. Then the clicking of heels on the ground, the door being shut. Footsteps. Melisandre looked away from the mirror, to the person who had just entered. The smell of lavender followed her inside.

Golden hair shone in the neon light of the bathroom, emerald eyes found her own. “Oh, hey”, Cersei smiled, stopping in front of the mirror next to her own. “Class over?”

Melisandre nodded, watching the other woman get a lipstick out of her purse. “Yours to?”

“Yes, thank god. Jaime's waiting for me already.” Cersei added a thick coat of nude lipstick, before turning to her. “Are you fine?” she asked, frowning.

“I'm good”, Melisandre answered, another considerate look in the mirror. Her reflection seemed to mock her.

Her eyes returned to Cersei, who was adjusting her fishtail braid. “You look upset. All day already”, she commented, looking at Melisandre in the mirror. “Actually-” she turned to look at her, hips leaning sideways on the sink. “Jaime and I have something that might cheer you up!”

Melisandre frowned, indecisive. “What would that be?” she wanted to know. She was not even sure why Cersei was so nice to her, out of a sudden.

“Surprise”, she answered now, her eyes shining with amusement. “Come on, it's gonna be fun, I promise.”

“Alright”, Melisandre sighed, already sensing that she might be regretting this. However, she carried a bunch of regrets around anyway so one more would not make much of a difference. She didn't care much, actually.

She followed Cersei out of the bathroom, down the hallway and onto the campus. It was still crowded with students, many of them just now arriving for their classes. Still, she noticed Jaime Lannister instantly. He was hard to miss, if she was honest, standing next to his golden car which was glowing in the weak sunlight.

“I see you brought a guest, sister”, he welcomed Cersei, kissing her cheek and opening the back door. “Long time no see”, he greeted Melisandre, more interest in his eyes than she would have thought. Maybe he was not so fixed on his sister, after all.

She got into the car after Cersei, closing the door behind her. Jaime was driving, the radio was quietly playing some music.

“You have it?” Cersei finally asked her brother, shifting forward in her seat. “Let's do it now.”

Jaime eyed her in the front mirror, reaching into the pocket of his jacket. “Only one, Cerse, remember last time.”

His sister only giggled, reaching out for the little bag he handed her. It was clear plastic, see through, and contained a number of small light pink pills about the size of a painkiller. Cersei took a few out, distributing them in her hand. “You have a drink?” she asked Jaime, leaning forward between the front seats. He handed her a can of energy drink, before he focused on the road again.

“What are those?” Melisandre asked, the voice in her head whispering _don't do it_ growing louder.

Cersei on the other hand simply smiled, taking two of the pills into her hand and swallowing them, followed by a deep sip of energy drink. “Just something to make you relax. It's harmless, believe me. No addiction potential.” She took her hand, placing the pills in there. “Take two”, she muttered, so her brother would not hear.

And as so often in the last days, Melisandre ignored the voice in her head. Carefully she took two in the palm of her hand, swallowing quickly. They were tasteless, different than painkillers, but bigger. She took a sip of energy drink, which was actually even more disgusting than alcohol. Then she leaned back in her seat, as Cersei passed the pills and the can back to her brother.

Usually praying helped making her feel better, but this time it was no good. Maybe this was the only solution by now.

This might have been a terrible mistake, but she had gotten past the point where she actually cared.

 

It was already getting dark outside, the moon rising and dark clouds covering most of the black sky. Jon was sitting on his couch, laptop on his lap and his college stuff next to him. He had a paper due to next week and was luckily almost finished, only the final editing was left. He would do that tomorrow or the day after, probably. There was lots of time left.

Slowly, he put the laptop aside and looked through the rest of his material. Everything was done, organized, finished. The work had distracted him, but now his thoughts came creeping back, from where they had been lingering in the back of his mind.

Suddenly, his cellphone rang. He sighed, expecting it to be Sam. However, as he looked on the display, he saw Melisandre's name. He had made the attempt to delete her number earlier that day, but failed, and this seemed to be the punishment. For a second, he considered to not answer. _But what if it's important?_ He answered. Of course.

“Melisandre”, he greeted her, trying to keep his voice cold.

There was a short silence on the other hand. Then a giggle. “Hey”, he heard her voice. “What's up?” She sounded happy, cheerful.

“Is everything alright?” he asked, slightly frowning. Why would she call like this? Out of the blue?

Another giggle. “Sure, I'm super good. Why wouldn't I?”

Jon sighed deeply. “Melisandre, are you high?” He hoped that she would say no, that it was just alcohol or whatever. That she had not done something completely stupid.

“Maybe”, she replied, he could hear the amusement in her voice.

He closed his eyes for a second. _Oh Mel._ “What did you take?” he demanded, his tone more serious now.

She sighed deeply, theatrically. “I don't think I remember.”

“How did it look?” he urged, actually worried by now.

“I don't care”, she muttered, he could almost picture how she was making a pout. “But I'm cold and getting tired and I don't know where I am.”

“You don't-” he interrupted himself, taking a deep breath. “You don't know where you are”, he repeated, close to desperation by now. “How did you get there, then?”

There was a short silence, he could hear her breathing on the other side of the line. “I don't remember”, she murmured then, her tone impatient. “But I want to go home. Even though I don't have one anymore.” She said that like it was the most normal thing in the world, casual, without emotion. The drugs were clouding her mind.

Jon could almost feel his heart breaking in that second, he needed a moment to regain his voice. “Describe where you are”, he said then.

“There are trees”, she answered, quietly. “And a playground I think.”

He desperately tried to think. “The park? Did you go to the park?”

“Might be”, she only answered. “Jon, I'm scared.” By now she sounded sad, like she was about to cry. “And I'm so tired.”

Worry rose in him, even though he fought it. She was none of his business anymore. Still, she had called him when she was afraid. Because she trusted him, obviously. “Don't move, okay?” he replied, trying to make his voice softer. “I'll come and get you.” He regretted this immediately, regretted caring about her, going back to that point. But he had to. He could not just leave her alone.

“Okay”, she whispered.

He hang up, quickly tossing the phone into the pocket of his jacket, slipping into it and leaving his flat. The car was parked in front of the door, luckily, so he only needed a five minute drive to the park. By now it was completely dark and the park was normally abandoned by this hour of the day, which only increased his worry.

Beneath the trees it was even darker than on the road, but he still found Melisandre quite quickly. She was sitting on a bench, legs on the back and her head resting on the seat.

She sat up as she saw him approach, standing up and coming to meet him. “Hey”, she smiled, the sadness was obviously gone.

“What did you take?” he asked her again, judging from the sparkle in her eyes and the giggles escaping her mouth it must have been quite strong.

“Something good”, was all she had to say. “Maybe we should go to a party”, she said then. “Have some fun.”

He sighed. “We're leaving now.”

  
She pouted. “Come on, Johnny, why?”

“Who gave you the drugs?” he changed the topic. She had not gotten them herself, obviously, so there must have been someone else. Theon Greyjoy, maybe.

But she only shrugged. “Someone.”

“Where is that someone now?”

She rolled her eyes. “Don't be such a killjoy. Let's do something fun!” She approached him, her hands stroking over his neck.

“Melisandre-” he began, but she had already pressed her lips onto his.

She tasted like candy, oddly enough, and there was the distant taste of energy drinks.

Her tongue made her way into his mouth, but he withdraw. He would not make the same mistake again. “We're leaving now”, he repeated softly, taking her hand and pulling her in the direction of his car.

She hesitated for a moment, before following him. “Why don't you like me anymore?” she asked, suddenly sounding like a little girl.

He sighed. “I still like you.”

“But you don't want to kiss me anymore.” She sounded sad again, like a child who had his candy taken away.

He turned around, facing her. “We're not together anymore, Mel.”

  
Her blue eyes seemed huge in the darkness, innocent looking. She stopped, still holding his hand. There was a short moment of silence. The calm before the storm, perhaps. _“But I love you.”_

  
And there they were. The three magic words.

 


	10. Regrets II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You were so pretty on the small screen  
> But you look so different in the flesh though  
> You've got the weight of the world on your ice cold shoulders  
> So it's so difficult to get an answer from you
> 
> When I say that  
> "Where have you been and how much you been smokin'?  
> What do you mean when you say that you love me?"  
> But you're never home and so

“Ghost! There you are!” Melisandre fell down on her knees, the dog licking her face in excitement. “Have you missed me?” she asked, stroking his fur. It almost looked like he was nodding in response.

It had taken all of Jons patience to even get Melisandre up to his flat, he had to carry her the last few steps because she refused to go even further because she was “so tired”. He didn't see much of that anymore.

After the surprising admitting of being in love with him she had not said much, only how tired she was, and had actually allowed him to process it.

_She loved him._ She was high, yes, but it was probably still the truth. He was not sure how to act on that new knowledge, though.

What was he supposed to do now? She had surely been hinting at it several times during their relationship, but he had actually never taken it completely seriously. And he had absolutely not been prepared to hear it from her someday, especially not right now.

He watched her petting Ghost, the dog rolling onto his back, tongue sticking out. He loved her almost as much as he loved Jon, always doing exactly what she asked him to do. Even tricks she had taught him, something that Jon himself had never managed to accomplish.

“Do you want to drink something? Or eat?” He was not too sure what to do, since he had never been high himself or been with someone who was before.

She looked up from the dog, thinking for a moment. Her blue eyes were sparkling, like water that reflected the sun on a summer day. “No”, she said then, sitting on the floor next to Ghost. “I think I'm fine.”

The dog lifted his head, looking at her for a moment. Then he lay down again, licking her fingers. He seemed pretty content.

“Maybe you should get some sleep”, Jon tried again, as her attention was on Ghost.

Melisandre sighed. “Okay”, she answered, before laying down on the floor next to the dog, never stopping to pet him.

Jon was not sure if he should laugh or cry. His patience was slowly ending. “In a bed, I meant.” He felt ridiculous even saying it.

She looked at him, her eyes seeming distracted. “I don't think I can get up again.”

He resisted the impulse to roll his eyes. _Never again would he allow her to get high._ He approached her slowly, kneeling down next to her. “So you want to stay here? On the floor?” His voice was filled with sarcasm, he could only hope that she would understand it.

However, he was disappointed. “Why not”, she replied, smiling a content smile. “I have Ghost and I have you, I'm good.” Copper curls tangled across the floor, Ghost buried his head under them.

Jon closed his eyes for a second, sighing quietly. “Alright”, was all he said, before he picked her up from the floor into his arms. Ghost grumbled in protest.

“What are you doing?” she muttered, as he opened the door to the guest room and carried her inside. “The floor was comfortable!”

Ghost followed them into the room, jumping onto the bed and burying himself in the sheets.

“More comfortable than a bed?” Jon asked, laying her down next to his dog. Obviously Ghost preferred Melisandre's company over his own.

She giggled a little. “Maybe not”, she admitted. The sparkle was back in her eyes, still they were clouding with lethargy. Her hand closed around his, for a second she played with his fingers.

He wanted to leave, knew that he had to, but he couldn't. And so he stayed, of course, looking down at Melisandre and wondering how he could ever have let her go. _What went so wrong that they ended up like this?_

She looked up to him, as if she had read his mind. “Do you ever wonder if it was the wrong decision? Breaking up, I mean?” Her voice was soft, a little sad maybe.

_Everyday._ His throat tightened, he was not sure if he could manage to answer. She would not remember this conversation tomorrow anyway. Her eyes were almost falling shut by now, the grip of her fingers around his loosened. “Yes”, he finally said. “Do you?”

She blinked a few times, trying to stop her eyelids from closing. “I think it was a shit idea.” She sighed a little, sinking deeper into the pillow. “We should have never broken up”, she whispered, Ghost lifted his head and watched her for a second, as if he had understood the words.

Her breathing became regular, she had fallen asleep. The dog rolled himself up next to her, head resting on her stomach. He looked at Jon for a second, almost apologizing. Then he closed his eyes.

Jon stayed for a few more seconds, not being able to move. He watched her chest rise and fall, let his eyes travel along the soft features of her face. It was such a cliche, watching her sleep, but he had always liked doing it. And today might be his last chance to do so.

_Unless he acted._ He knew that she loved him, wanted their relationship back. But he was not willing to fight if she wasn't, either. Why had she not just told him before, why had she not made the first step?

_And why had he not acted when he had the time?_ Before Arya had stumbled into their relationship, things had not been moving. It had been exiting, it had been fun, yes, but they had never defined it. He had been crazy about her, also yes, but in love? He had not been sure. Now he was. Now that he had lost her, he was sure.

Carefully, he withdraw his hand under hers and got up, covering her with the sheet and turning off the light.

Then he left, making his way over to his own bedroom. He was feeling a sudden exhaustion, as if dealing with his feelings had made him tired. Perhaps that was true. Might be the reason he had never really done it before.

 

It was 10am the next morning when the door to his guest room finally opened. Ghost's footsteps were to hear first, as he hurried into the hallway. Melisandre followed him, more slowly. She was still wearing her clothes from the day before, ripped jeans and a crop top. Her hair was in a messy bun, which was now more messy than a bun.

She seemed confused, embarrassed even, as her eyes met Jon's. “Hey”, she muttered. “What am I doing here?”

Jon thought about the answer for a second. “You called me yesterday evening. You were quite… well, high.”

“Oh yeah, there was something”, she murmured, leaning against the kitchen counter, sighing. “That's were the horrible headache comes from.”

He remained silent.

Melisandre bit her lip. “I'm sorry I called you. Thanks for…” There was a slight pause. “Answering my call.” She looked away, over to Ghost. “I'll better leave now.”

“Stay until you feel better.” He had not meant to say it actually, but it was the truth. “We've missed our classes anyway.” He hesitated for a moment. But he had to know. “Why did you do it?”

She frowned slightly. “What?”

“Drugs”, he replied, a hint of annoyance in his tone.

Melisandre crossed her arms in front of her chest, still biting her lower lip. Her eyes were fixed on the floor. “I just thought it wouldn't matter anyway.” Her voice sounded bitter.

_It matters to me._ He stayed quiet. “Why not?” he asked instead.

Silence filled the air once again. She did not react for a few seconds, her gaze still down. But after a while she looked up. “I don't matter to anyone anymore.” The words were so quiet that he almost didn't catch them. “Nobody cares about me”, she added, voice no more than a whisper. Her eyes were shimmering with tears, but she did not cry. Only looked down on the floor, motionless as a statue.

Jon was actually shook. He had never thought about her having such feelings, such insecurities. Her self consciousness was always so present, he had never doubted it.

He felt the need to say something, but was not sure what. Perhaps the truth would be good, for once. “I care about you”, he finally said.

The words caused her to look at him. She sniffed a little. “No, you don't. But that's okay, I don't blame you.”

He sighed, approaching her. “Melisandre-”

She brushed him off. “No, really, it's fine. I understand.” She shrugged. “Honestly? I wouldn't care about me either. I fuck everything up. That's just who I am.”

“No”, he objected. “It's not.”

Her eyes were full of disbelief, she was silent for a moment. “This is my fault.”

“No”, he repeated. “It's our fault.”

She was biting her lip again, the tears were back in her eyes. “I do stupid things when I'm hurt, you know. Things like drugs. Things like-” her voice cracked. “Making out with other guys.”

The thought of her and Robb brought something back in him, something like an old anger, which had been almost forgotten, but never completely abandoned. Jon did not say anything, only clenched his jaw. _Why did she have to remind him._

Her fingers played with the corner of the kitchen counter, he could see that they were shaking a little. There was a horrible silence, only waiting to be broken. Her last words hung heavy in the air.

“Don't do that”, he finally said, moving closer and loosening her fingers from the edge of the counter. “You'll hurt yourself.” For a second, their hands stayed intervened.

Then she withdraw. “I'm already hurt”, she whispered, moving a few steps away, back to him.

Jon sighed. Even with the crumbled mascara, the smudged lipstick and the messy hair, she was still the most beautiful person he had ever seen. _And he loved her._ The highlighter on her skin reflected the sun, making her skin sparkle.

Out of the sudden, he felt the urge to tell her. To do something to make this work, to fight for her. For them. He took a deep breath. “Melisandre.”   
She turned around, blue eyes filled with so much sadness that he was afraid they might overflow. “What”, she muttered.

“ _I love you.”_ It was the truth, after all. The thing he should have told her weeks ago. It had been true all along.

He saw her swallowing, the confusion filling her eyes. Her teeth sinking into her lip once again, drawing blood. Blood which matched the color of her hair. Blue eyes, deep like the ocean. It was very silent.

“I mean it”, he added, since he felt like Melisandre was not planning on saying something. He was dying to fill the silence, to get an answer. A reaction, anything.

Their eyes met, for no more than a second. “No”, was her final answer. “No, you don't.” She shook her head slightly, tears glowing in her eyes like stars. Her voice was very quiet. “You love a story someone once told you and you gave it to my face. What you love is the idea of me, the idea of a home, of someone who can give you everything. And you deserve that, you really do. I just can't live up to that story.” A tear ran down her cheek, leaving a black trail of mascara on the pale skin. “I can't be that for you.” Her voice broke at the last word, she turned away before he could see the tears.

Carefully, he approached her. He did not believe her. She was _wrong._ “You don't have to be anything for me”, he replied, reaching for her hand and softly turning her towards him. “You can just be yourself.”

She shook her head. “No, I can't. Be both saw that I can't.” She was trying to hold back the tears, quickly whipping them away from her eyes. “I'm sorry. I really am.”

Jon was out of words. He had no idea what to say anymore, how to change her mind. _Maybe she was right._ Maybe he had romanticized her, turned her into a person that she was not. But he loved her, still, after all the challenges of their break up. He did not care. All he wanted was her, their relationship back.

For a moment, his feelings overwhelmed him. Without much thinking, he leaned forward to kiss her. If words weren't enough, maybe this was.

He could taste the salt of tears on her lips, desperation on her tongue. Her fingers curled into his hair, nails scratching along the sensitive skin of his neck. His hands found her waist, drawing her closer.

He didn't care if they were different, if this would never work. In that moment, he did not care about anything.

Her fingers found his shirt, pulling it off, tossing it on the floor. Nails scrapped over his back, as he picked her up, her legs around his waist. Her lips never left his. He sat her down on the counter, hands opening the button of her jeans. The need was too big, the desperation too huge. It was overwhelming. She held onto him as if he was the last thing saving her from drowning, the last thing holding her together.

Jeans fell on the floor, bodies moved even closer. Her shirt went off, then his pants. Her nails dug into the skin of his back, as his lips found her neck. He could feel her heartbeat pulsating on her throat, could feel it through the thin layer of soft skin. There was not an inch of air between them anymore.

_Perhaps he was, after all._ Maybe they were drowning and this was their salvation.


	11. Desperation

 

Melisandre sat on the couch, nervously playing with the loose threads of her jeans. Her heart was still racing, she was out of breath. She was still only wearing her jeans and bra, not being able to put on more. _It had been a terrible mistake._

It almost felt like his teeth were still on his neck, his fingers still on her spine. She was almost sure that she would have marks all over her throat the next day, from the way her skin felt. _How could she have been so stupid._ It had been desire, need, lust, nothing else. There had been no love, no gentleness.

All the held back emotions had spilled over and now it felt like there was nothing left. Melisandre felt empty, cold almost. She reached for her shirt on the floor, quickly slipping into it. The fabric felt hard against her bruised skin. She crossed her arms in front of her chest, an attempt to hold herself together. Her eyes went over to Jon, who just got back into his shirt in this moment, jaw clenched, eyes stern. She had no idea what to do, what to say.

_Maybe this desire was all they had._ And now it was gone. Like air out of a balloon. Perhaps their bubble had burst just now.

He had made her feel whole. His lips, his hands, his tongue. It had been ecstatic, exciting, but maybe that was all they had had left. A last, desperate attempt if it would work. If the spark would be back.

_And maybe it just wasn't._

“I'll leave now”, she said, into the quiet. Jon was in the kitchen, she only saw his back. There was no reaction. She stood in silence for a moment, looking around her. Was this really how it was supposed to end?

“Okay”, she muttered, starting to make her way towards the door. She prayed that he would stop her, fight for her, say that she had been wrong before… she prayed for anything, just any reaction.

But there was nothing. She reached the door, the finality of the situation weighting heavy on her shoulders. _Was this really how it was supposed to end?_ Her hand was on the door handle, fingers playing with it. There was still only silence from the kitchen, no sound was to hear. How could he just let her go? He said he _cared_ about her. Had it been about sex all along? Was the magic just gone?

She withdrew her hand. Jon might want to stay quiet, but she would not.

From the hallway she entered the kitchen, stopping in the door frame. He did not turn to look at her, but she was sure that he knew she was there. She could feel it.

Her mind was blank, she had no idea what to say. But the silence was driving her crazy, bringing back the horrible headache she had gotten from yesterday night. Melisandre took a deep breath. “Can we talk about this?” The desperation was clear in her voice, cutting through the quiet air like a knife.

“What's there to talk about?” He turned around, back against the fridge. The way he said it hurt her, the lack of emotion made her heart ache.

“A lot”, she replied, voice very quiet.

He sighed. “I think you were right before. About the story.”

_No. No no no no no._ She stared at him, as her throat tightened. This could not be the end. He could not let her be right.

“Maybe we have been fooling each other all along.”

There was something like anger flushing through her suddenly, filling the emptiness inside her. “And you realize that now”, she concluded, bitterness in her voice. “After we had sex. Did that not occur to you before?”

He frowned. “But are you implying?”

The calm of his voice was driving her crazy. She would much rather have him be angry, mad, yelling, but not calm. Not like that, not like he didn't care. _All she wanted was for somebody to care._ “You know what I'm implying”, she answered. She hated how desperate she sounded, how angry she was. Why did she care so much and he so little?

“It was never my intention to take advantage of you, if that's what you mean.” There was no emotion in either his voice or face, he was just stating a fact.

She felt the tears burning in her eyes. _Why did she always have to cry?_ Before this whole thing had happened, she had never cried. And now she did it all the time. She hated herself so much. “I love you.” It was the only thing she had left to say, the last hope she had of getting a reaction from him.

In fact, his face did change a little at the words. There was a brief moment of silence. “I know”, he answered then. “You told me yesterday.”

She swallowed, unsure of what to reply. That had not exactly been the reaction she had been hoping for.

Jon sighed, running his hand through his hair. “I love you too. But we can't seem to make it work.”

“What if we haven't tried hard enough?” She was desperate enough to grasp at any straw he was giving her, no matter how thin.

“What if we have?” he replied. “What if we're just… not made for being with each other?”

_No. Please don't._ “Jon-”, she began, but he cut her off.

“Sometimes you just have to accept that it's over.” There was sadness in his eyes now, as he said the words. But he meant it, she could feel that. There was a certain finality in the words.

It took all of her strength to hold back the tears. She would not give him the satisfaction of seeing her cry twice in one day. “I'll leave now”, was all she had left to say.

Slowly, she turned around. She made her way out of the kitchen into the hallway, trying very hard to just put on foot in front of the other. _She could do this, had done it before._

This time, nothing held her back from opening the door. This time, she simply left. Even though her heart told her the opposite.

 

The bright sunlight blinded her for a second, as she left the house and took her phone out. For a second she thought about calling Selyse, but then she would have to explain what happened the night before and she was not too eager to do that. Her fingers were slightly shaking, as she dialed a different number instead. She took a deep breath, as the phone rang a few times.

A familiar voice answered. “Mel, hey!” Cersei sounded wide awake, the exact opposite of how Melisandre was feeling. “I've been wondering where you disappeared to last night.”

“Can you pick me up?” Melisandre asked, ignoring the question. Her head was pounding terribly and she felt drained, like she had not been sleeping in years. She had never needed much sleep, actually, but now she could feel the lack of it. Her bones were aching, she had terrible muscle pain. Every inch of her body seemed to hurt. Judging from the feeling, she would surely be covered in bruises tomorrow.

“Where are you?” Cersei wanted to know now, sounding concerned.

Melisandre sighed a little, too tired to explain over the phone. “I'll send you the location. Thanks.” She hung up, opening her messages and quickly sending her GPS location to Cersei's number. She had several unread messages from Selyse and a few from other people, but she ignored them and put her phone away. There would be time for that later. Or maybe not. It didn't matter, anyway.

Jaime's car stopped in front of her only a few minutes later, Cersei in the backseat. Melisandre climbed inside quickly, letting her back rest again the comfortable seat. She closed her eyes for a second, exhaling.

“I told you you shouldn't give her two pills”, Jaime commented, starting the car and rolling back onto the street.

Cersei rolled her eyes at her brother. “What happened to you? You look like a hot mess”, she then wanted to know, emerald eyes on Melisandre. She wore a huge layer of foundation, covering the dark circles under her eyes. Maybe she wasn't as awake as she seemed either. She was still dressed in her clothes from last night, too, only Jaime was wearing a fresh shirt and looked like he had actually been sleeping. Perhaps he had taken his own advice and stuck to one pill only.

As Melisandre was not answering, Cersei tried again. “What were you doing here?”

“Jon lives here”, Melisandre muttered, leaning forward a little. “Do you have a painkiller?” she asked Jaime, trying to ignore the sharp pain in her head at the movement.

Jaime stopped in front of a red light, searching in his pocket. “Yeah”, he replied then, throwing a pack of aspirin over to her.

She swallowed one without water, the taste bitter on her tongue. Only fitting, probably. “We broke up, finally.” It was out of context, but the twins seemed to understand what she meant.

Jaime frowned a little, eyes on the street, Cersei sighed and squeezed her hand. “I thought you were already separated?”

Melisandre only shrugged, biting her lip. She could taste blood already, washing away the bitterness of the aspirin. All she wanted was sleep. The whole conversation drained her. “Me too”, was all she had to say.

Cersei leaned forward, eyes narrowed. “Is that a hickey?” she wanted to know, fingers stroking above the skin of Melisandre's throat. She smiled a little amused smile, eyebrows raised in expectation.

Melisandre only rolled her eyes. She would have to cover that one tomorrow. “It was nothing”, she muttered, moving her lower lip between her teeth.

Cersei nodded. “Sure, nothing”, she replied, still grinning.

“Love can be a curious thing”, Jaime stated dryly, his eyes searching his sister in the front mirror. Cersei did not notice, however, the emeralds of her eyes still distracted by the hickey. She did not even hear the words, or so it seemed at least. There was a sadness on Jaime's face, one that could not be quite described. He turned away, eyes on the traffic again.

She felt very sorry for him, for them, suddenly.

There was a moment of silence, Melisandre leaned her head against the glass of the window, feeling the soft vibrations of the car on the street. It took lots of her strength to not fall asleep on the spot.

Finally, Cersei took the word. “Jaime and I will have a party on the 23rd, you're coming right? It's a pre-christmas party, sort of. We have a three meter Christmas tree ordered already!” Excitement was filling her voice, she was smiling. “Come on, you need some cheering up”, she added. Her eyes were sparkling.

Melisandre could not help but wonder if there was a time when that sparkle was gone. When she was insecure, upset, desperate maybe. Was this only the facade she saw? Or the real person? Did she know the real Cersei, or the role she played?

Melisandre was everything but in the mood to party, but she nodded. “Sure”, she muttered, only to regain the silence. She did not have any big plans for Christmas, anyway.

Usually she spend it in the temple, a friend of hers, Thoros, and his boyfriend Beric always threw a small party at the 24th where they got horribly drunk on wine and told stories about their life. Maybe she would not go there, this year. Selyse would be out with Stannis, so their flat would be empty, leaving her some time to be alone. She felt like she needed that.

Cersei was not done talking, however. She seemed to feel the need to break the silence. “We'll find you someone new at the party, you'll see!” She thought for a moment. “I have some people in mind, actually. I'll invite them.”

Jaime laughed a little. “No need to do that, sister, the whole college will come anyway.”

Cersei shrugged. “Probably true.” She smiled a reassuring smile, squeezing Melisandre's hand once again. “Trust me, we're gonna make him regret that he let you go!”   
Jaime's eyes found Melisandre's in the front mirror. “You want me to drive you home?” He was frowning at his sister's words, but said nothing.

She thought about the offer for a second, then she nodded.

The thought of returning to her flat made her feel empty, also because Selyse would be waiting for her. She would want to know everything that had happened today and the day before. If she was totally unlucky, Stannis would be there as well, grumpy as always and making comments about the bad influence of drugs on the nervous system and the human psyche. As if she did not know that, she was studying psychology. He did not need to teach her her own studies.

The car stopped in front of their house, Melisandre opened her seat belt. “Thanks for picking me up.” She smiled a little in Jaime's direction, hugging his twin sister and climbing out of the car.

All she wanted was silence. Silence, sleep and a break from her feelings.

 


	12. Christmas I

“No, Arya, you can't come to the party too!” Jon rolled his eyes, already slipping into his jacket. Ygritte would pick him up in a few minutes and he was still on the phone with his sister.

“Why nooot”, Arya muttered. “Robb said I could come!”

_Of course he did._ “Well, did Robb ask your mother?”

Silence on the other end. “No, why?”

Jon chuckled a little. “I'm sure she won't let you go to a college party.”

“If I go with you and Robb she will!” Arya tried again, more enthusiastic this time.

“We won't go together, though”, he answered, leaning against the wall next to the door. He actually had to leave about right now, but his sister did not seem to be willing to stop bugging him.

“Why not?” she wanted to know now. “Because of Mel?”

Jon clenched his jaw at the sound of her name, his grip around the phone intensified. He stayed silent.

His sister seemed to sense his shift in mood. “Sorry, didn't want to upset you”, she muttered, apologizing. “Robb told me you broke up.” There was a brief pause. “Why?” she asked, more carefully this time.

“Differences”, he only muttered. “Why did Robb tell you that? None of his business.”

He could almost feel that she rolled her eyes. “Sometimes you two act like five year olds, you know that?” his sister replied, sighing. “Sooo… sure I can't come today?”

“Very sure”, Jon answered, opening the door and slipping into his shoes. “Has Robb left already?” It was supposed to sound like a casual question, but he knew that his sister knew what the real intention was.

“Yeah”, she answered. “He was alone, if that was what you wanted to know. But there was been a girl around here a few times this week, forgot her name. Brown hair.”

The thought of Robb with a girl that was not Melisandre relieved him, oddly enough. He had half expected her to try her luck at his brother again, who surely would not have objected. “Thank, little sis.” He smiled a little, while running down the stairs in the hallway. “But I have to go now, I'm running late.”

“Yeah, sure”, Arya muttered. “Have fun without me.”   
He only laughed. “I'll send you pictures on snapchat!”

She grumbled something he could not understand. “Not necessary”, she murmured then, hanging up.

Jon was still grinning a little as he stepped onto the street, Ygritte's car already waiting. He climbed into the passenger seat quickly. “Sorry, phone call.”

“No problem”, she replied, smiling and starting the car. She shot him a quick look. “Was Melisandre the phone call?”

Jon frowned. “No. Haven't spoken to her all last week.” Their last conversation at his flat had been days ago, since then he had barely ever seen him. She had not attended most of her classes, always spending time with the Lannister Twins as far as he had heard. Not that he cared. She could hang out with who she wanted, it was none of his business anymore.

Ygritte seemed to hesitate a little. “I haven't seen her much on campus either”, she said, her fingers tapping on the steering wheel. “She's okay, right? What you've said in your last conversation sounded a bit… rough.”

He reminded silent for a little while. _Had he been to rough?_ If even Ygritte noticed that, how did Melisandre feel? He had tried to distract himself from the feelings through work, doing all his papers and studying weeks in advance to have something to do everyday. It helped him and made him feel better, but it still hurt to see her every now and then. It would be even worse if she wouldn't skip her classes.

They could already she the Lannister's house by now, the parking lot in front of it completely crowded. Only few selected people had actually been invited, but the rest of collage came anyway. He was sure that Melisandre would be there too, but he had the simple hope of not seeing her in the crowd of people. That did not actually work out the last time, but he was willing to give it another shot.

He had been craving distraction, and a party was just the right thing.

They entered the house through the garden, since the front was crowded with people smoking and blocking the entrance to the hallway. The garden was no less full, but bigger in size so one could actually get in. The smell of liquor and smoke hung in the air, but the garden was decorated with lights and fake snow, a huge Christmas tree had been brought in as well. It was glowing in the beginning darkness, making the whole atmosphere warm and festive.

Jon spotted his brother right away, sitting on one of the tables with his usual group of friends. Melisandre was nowhere to be seen, luckily, and neither was Cersei Lannister, even though her brother stood next to the tree with a few of his friends drinking beer.

“You know where Sam and the others are?” Ygritte interrupted his thoughts, looking around. “I'll text him, I don't think we'll find them otherwise.”   
He nodded absently, scanning the garden for Melisandre's red hair. If she was not outside, she had to be inside, probably with her new best friend Cersei since he spotted Selyse and Stannis not far away from him and a bench. She was not with them, clearly.

For a second, he felt like a stalker. Had he gone paranoid over this whole thing?

“They're inside”, Ygritte told him now, making her way towards the door. “You coming?”   
Inside was the last place where he wanted to go, but he followed all the same. Maybe it would not even be that bad. Sooner or later, they would meet each other anyway. _He did not even care about her anymore._ She could do what she liked, he did not mind. Or at least that was what he told himself.

 

Cersei sat next to her on the stairs in the hallway, inhaling the smoke of yet another of her fancy cigarettes with taste. She wore a short black dress with golden details, blonde curls flowing down her back. She sighed a little, leaning against the wall. A bottle of scotch was placed between them, but it was still more than half full. “You should go and get yourself a guy”, Cersei said now, blowing the smoke in the air. The front door was open, cool air was coming inside.

Melisandre's fingers played with the liquor bottle, but she did not drink. The glass felt cold in her hands. “None of them is Jon”, she muttered.

Cersei rolled her eyes. “Come on girl, he's not that special.” She ashed her cigarette, throwing it through the open door and onto the drive way. “What's so great about him, anyway?”

“What's so great about Jaime?” Melisandre countered, watching the emerald eyes switching to something like surprise for a moment.

But then the blonde only laughed. “That was a great comeback, I give you that.” She took a sip of scotch. “If he's that important to you, why aren't you fighting for him?”

“I thought I should 'go and get myself a guy'?” Melisandre replied, smiling a little.

Cersei only shrugged. “I'm only making suggestions here.” She pointed at the bottle. “This is always a good solution, too.”

“Only until you're sober.”

The other woman simply smiled. “Then you just have to never get sober again.”

  
Somewhere a door was opened, footsteps echoed from the walls. Then Jaime appeared in the front of the stairs, holding a bottle of beer. “Oh, here you are”, he greeted them, examining the scotch in his sister's hands. “Having your own little party, are you?”

Cersei grinned at him, reaching for his own bottle and taking a sip of beer.

“You don't even like beer”, Jaime commented.

His sister laughed a little. “Neither do you, dear brother.”   
Melisandre sensed that it was the right moment to leave the two to themselves, standing up from the staircase and discretely leaving the hallway. The music from the living room pounded in her ears, as she entered, the room already crowded with people.

She looked for Selyse, but her eyes found Robb instead. Jon seemed to not be there, luckily, since that would have been the last drop to ruin her mood. She was horribly sober and planned on keeping it that way, staying just as miserable as she had been the last few days.

“Hey”, she greeted Robb, her bad mood clearly audible in her voice.

He frowned in amusement. “What happened to you? No alcohol yet?”

“I'm toning it a bit down”, she muttered, rolling her eyes. “Have you seen your brother yet?”

Robb hesitated a little. “Yeah, why?”

_Great._ “Just curious”, she replied, biting her lip. She was unsure of what to do. Actually, she felt like leaving, on the other hand she felt like getting blackout drunk, trying to push the thoughts away. None of those would help, probably. She had tried those methods several times already.

“He's quite upset about you”, Robb added now, carefully.

“A little late to be upset about us”, she snapped, looking around her, hoping to not spot him in the crowd just now. “I think I'm leaving.”

Robb did not seem to know what to say anymore, so he remained silent. Melisandre smiled a little half smile before turning around and leaving, back into the hallway. It was empty by now, Cersei and Jaime seemed to have left.

Suddenly, she heard a voice behind her. “Melisandre?”   
She turned around, looking into a face that was only half familiar. Ygritte. “Hey”, she greeted her slowly, frowning in surprise. She was not particular eager to talk to her, especially not after her and Jon's apparent history.

The other woman stopped in front of her, nervously wringing her hands. “I uhm wanted to talk about Jon for a second.”

_Could her day get even more horrible?_ “There's literally nothing I'm less interested in”, Melisandre replied, crossing her arms in front of her chest. “What do you care, anyway? You should be happy!”   
Ygritte frowned. “I don't understand.”

She rolled her eyes. “You're his new chick, aren't you? Be happy, I'm out of the way.” She was ready to turn around and leave, but Ygritte's voice held her back.

“I don't know where you got that idea from, but there's nothing going on between Jon and me.” She frowned, her eyes looked like she spoke the truth. Besides, she had no reason to lie.

_Jon did have one._ He lied to her. That night on the phone, he lied to her. She clenched her jaw, shaking her head in annoyance. “Actually, I got that idea from Jon.”

Ygritte looked just as surprised as Melisandre felt. “Well”, she replied. “That's not true.” There was a shy smile on her lips. “I actually think he's still very much into you.”

_He had an odd way of showing that._ “Might be”, was all that she was willing to say.

Ygritte hesitated for a moment. “Why do you just give up on him?”

Melisandre swallowed hard. _He was the one who gave up._ Or had it been her? She had started it, she had said that it would never work… but he had _agreed._ He had fucked her and then he had agreed. Suddenly, she felt very tired. “I'm tired of fighting”, was all she said, all she had left to say.

The other woman remained silent for a moment. “But maybe he is too.” Another pause. “Just try and talk to him now, maybe? Afterwards you can still leave.”

  
For a moment she wondered why Ygritte was actually so invested in their relationship, but she was too exhausted to do much thinking. “Alright”, was all she answered, while returning to the living room. One last shot. One last attempt to knit the broken pieces together.

 


	13. Christmas II

“Jon, can we talk?”

He turned around, looking directly into a pair of light blue eyes. Black eyeliner surrounded them, he could see the bags under her eyes even through the concealer. He wondered if Melisandre had trouble sleeping as well.

She watched him in silence, arms crossed in front of her chest. “Please?” she added, after some seconds passed.

His first reaction was to decline. To turn back around and leave. But he couldn't do it. Something in her eyes stopped him, something about the desperation in there held him back. Instead he nodded.

She seemed relieved. “Okay”, she replied, smiling a little. Her eyes scanned the room around them for a second, before they returned to him. “Somewhere else, maybe?”

Suddenly, Theon Greyjoy appeared in his field of vision. Jon frowned in his direction, as Theon's eyes met his. A grin appeared on his face. “The former lovers under a mistletoe, interesting.”

Jons look went upwards, noticing a huge mistletoe hanging just over their heads. _Oh damn._ Melisandre's eyes were huge in surprise, her lips formed a silent O.

“Come on, now you have to kiss.” Theon laughed, his eyebrows raised in expectation. “I wanna see something, go for it!”

He saw Melisandre swallowing, as she remained completely silent, biting her lip. Jon did not have the slightest clue what to do. He could not leave, not now, since quite a few people were watching already. The situation was incredibly awkward. He already thought about just kissing her, ending the horrible silence between them, as he was pushed to the side suddenly.

Cersei Lannister appeared beside him, emerald eyes sparkling and golden curls glowing in the dim light. She was holding her brother's hand, pulling him under the mistletoe. _What was this supposed to be?_

Jon looked in Melisandre's direction for a second, who seemed just as confused as he felt. She was frowning deeply, her lipstick nearly gone at the places where her teeth had dug into her bottom lip. The highlighter on her cheeks reflected the light, making her face look radiant. But her eyes were sad, big and empty. They had lost all their light.

Cersei was grabbing Jaime's neck by now, Jon's eyes went back to them, now occupying the mistletoe. For a second the room was almost completely silent, nobody seemed to move. It was a strange equilibrium, like time stopped for a second or two.

As it finally continued passing, everything seemed too fast. Cersei's lips met Jaime's, right under the mistletoe. It was a real kiss, tongue, teeth, everything. Every pair of eyes in the room was on them for the next seconds, apart from Jon's, who looked over to Melisandre first and then turned around to leave. He felt very hot out of a sudden and the Lannister twins personal make out show did everything but interest him.

Cool air welcomed him as he stepped outside the front door, onto the drive way. He quickly searched for his cigarettes, lighting one and inhaling deeply. He could feel the smoke in his lungs, as he watched the paper slowly turning into black ash. A cold wind was rising and he was without a jacket, so he shivered slightly. The front door was open, quiet music still filled the air.

Suddenly, there were silent footsteps. Melisandre appeared in the door, uncertainly stopping in the door frame. She was wearing a red mini dress covered with sequins, the moon light made them shine and sparkle. Her hair was unevenly curled, like she had stopped before all of it was done. Her blue eyes watched the cigarette in his fingers, as he led it to his lips once again. “I wish you wouldn't smoke”, she finally said.

“I wish you wouldn't drink”, was all Jon replied. He had not meant to be rude, but it had certainly sounded that way.

She leaned against the door frame, carefully. “I didn't drink today.”

He sighed. “So? I didn't ask you to do it. We're not a couple anymore.”

Hurt appeared on her face, she looked down onto the ground quickly. “I know that”, she muttered.

Jon felt a little guilty. After all she had wanted to talk, something that he had not been willing to do. “What did you want to talk about?” he asked, more softly this time.

Melisandre raised her head. “Us”, she answered quietly. “I-” she thought about it for a moment. “I miss you.”

It was an honest statement, coming from her. Jon swallowed, unsure of what would be the right thing to say now. “You said it wouldn't work”, was what he went for. Probably not the best answer, if he was honest.

“What if I changed my mind?” Her answer came quicker than he expected.

Jon sighed. “Well, I haven't.”

Melisandre frowned. Her voice was very quiet. “I love you. I meant that.”

“So did I”, he replied, trying to ban the sadness from his voice.

She left the door frame, coming down the stairs towards him. Her heels clicked quietly on the floor. “I talked to Ygritte.” A few inches away from him she stopped, close enough that he could smell her perfume.

Quickly he took another draw of his cigarette, which was almost completely burned down. He threw it away on the ground, watching the ash crumble on the stone.

“You lied to me, that night I called you.” It was not a question, only a statement. She already knew the truth from Ygritte.

Jon looked up, running a hand through his hair. “I did”, he answered. “But you didn't.” The old anger was back, the same familiar accusation was in his voice. _It was only a kiss,_ Ygritte had reminded him after he had told her, and she was right, but for him it was so much more. If it had not been Robb, if it had not been for their history, he might be thinking differently.

“You're right, I haven't”, Melisandre disrupted his thoughts. “But we were not together at that point of time.”

He was tired of having that discussion, tired of repeating the same things all the time. “Do we really want to go over all of that again?”

She swallowed, shaking her head. “No. That was not what I wanted to talk about.” Nervously, she took a deep breath. “I wanna give it another shot.”

The words took him by surprise. “What?”

“I'm serious”, she added, taking another step in his direction.

Their bodies were almost touching by now. The smell of rosewood met him. For a second, the situation overwhelmed him. He felt like pulling her closer and kissing her, telling her how much he loved her. He felt like agreeing to her proposal. But of course he didn't. Instead he shook his head. “It won't work.”

“The first try worked just fine until we started talking about it and making things complicated.” Her eyes met his. “What do we have to lose? If we split up again we have at least tried it.”

Jon sighed. “Melisandre, I-”   
  
She interrupted him. “Are you happy like this?”

There was a brief moment of silence. “Of course not”, he replied then.

A hint of relief flushed over her face. “Then why not try to make it better? It can't get more fucked up than this, anyway.”

Jon was still hesitating. He was not sure why, though, since her arguments did indeed make sense. Still, he was holding back.

She seemed to sense that, something about her expression changed. There was something like insecurity in her eyes. “Unless you… don't share my feeling anymore.” Her voice was slightly shaking, as if she was afraid of the answer. And she probably was, judging from her face.

“That's not it”, he answered, watching her expression change to relief. “I'm just not sure if we're too different.”

Melisandre frowned. “What makes you think that?” she asked, voice very quiet.

He shrugged, looking down on the ground. “All the differences we had after we broke up, all the things that happened… I feel like I just got to know you after we weren't together anymore.”

She looked genuinely surprised. “The person you saw after our break up is the one I become when I'm hurt. That's not who I am.” There was a short pause. “I never learned how to deal with being hurt, so I just… try to hurt the other person more badly than they hurt me.” Her voice became more and more quiet, she was biting her lip again.

Her behavior told him that it was quiet a hard confession for her. He sighed a little. “You said I didn't love you but the idea of you.”

She nodded a little, remaining silent.

“That might have been the case, but it's no longer like that. I know you now.” He hated himself for saying it, for giving in. “I still love you.”

Her eyes lighted up, her jaw dropped slightly. There was a hint of a smile on her lips. “So? What does that mean?” she asked, carefully.

Their eyes met, the moon reflected in the blue of her iris. It looked like the reflection on a nightly ocean. _Maybe they only had this one last shot left._ And perhaps they should just make this last one work.

He stopped thinking as his lips crashed into hers, teeth sucking at her bottom lip, tongues dancing. Her fingers laid on his neck, nails digging into the skin.

After a few seconds, Melisandre withdraw. She was out of breath, the last bit of lipstick now disappeared. “Was this your answer?” she whispered against his lips, their foreheads still touching.

He nodded. “One last try.”

She looked into his eyes. “Really?”

“No more escapades”, he warned, smiling a little.

A smile spread across her lips, as she kissed him again. “No more escapades”, she repeated. Her fingers stroke his jawline, traveling down his neck. “We're gonna make this one work, aren't we?”

“We are”, he meant it, really did, even though he was just as uncertain as she was.

 


	14. Fresh Start

“Where’s your car?” Jon asked, as he took her hand and led her further away from the front door. Her fingers felt warm in his, he wondered how she could not be cold in her thin dress, even though he knew that she was barely ever freezing or even cold.

“Over there”, Melisandre replied, pulling him over to the right side of the driveway. The moonlight made her red car glow like a ruby, making it hard to miss. She unlocked the doors, the little click breaking the nightly silence.

Jon opened the door and climbed inside, sitting down on the passenger side.

She watched him, a slight smile on her lips. “You don’t want me to drive right now, do you?” she asked, pouting innocently.

“You want me to drive?” he replied, eyes following her as she came closer.

Her lips curled up in a grin. “Nah. I don’t want us to drive at all.” She sat down on his lap, closing the door behind her. The narrowness of the car had her pressed against him closely, her hair already touching the top of the car.

He could feel the heat of her body, lips only millimeters away from his. Her breathing was on his skin, her fingers stroke his hair. She placed her lips on his, hands wandering down his chest. Jon shifted underneath her, separating their lips. “Why don’t we wait until we’re home?” he asked quietly, hands stopping her fingers from traveling even lower.

She smiled a teasing smile, sinking further into his lap. “Why wait?”

He sighed. “Mel, come on, get up.”

Her lips sunk against his neck, kissing the sensitive skin. He could feel a shiver running through his body. “Make me”, she breathed against his throat, a smile on her lips.

Jon could not help but smile, leaning back a little and letting her unbutton his shirt. Her fingers traveled over his chest, lips kissing his collarbone.

“Still not convinced?” she grinned, sitting straight and looking at him for a second. She seemed to take his smile as a yes, since her lips met his again and her tongue slid into his mouth. Her fingers opened his shirt completely, going down further to his jeans.

His hands traveled up her tight, pushing her dress slightly upwards. Her hips shifted closer to him. He could hear her fast breaths, as his lips found her neck and sucked at the pale skin, down to where her heart was beating quickly.

Suddenly, there was a sounds somewhere. Then a voice, followed by footsteps.

Melisandre withdrew for a second, turning her head as far as possible. The steps were still audible. “I don’t see anyone”, she muttered after a second, turning back to him and kissing him again.

Jon pushed her away slightly, as far as possible in the narrow car, watching out the window himself. Someone was talking clearly, not on the phone. And he knew the voice. “That’s Robb.”

Melisandre giggled, hands still on his jeans. “Well, you wanted to show him that he won’t have a chance with me, here’s your shot.” She bit her lip. “Wanna go on?” she whispered, lips barely touching his, fingers stroking over his chest. “He won’t even see us.”

He probably would have said yes, if Robb had not stood next to their car in that exact moment. Their eyes met and his brothers lips curled up in a grin. “Oh. Am I interrupting something?”

Melisandre simply smiled, but Jon blushed, pushing her further away.

She sighed, opening the door and climbing out of the car, adjusting her dress. “You ruined all the fun”, she snapped at Robb, a playful grin on her lips.

Jon hurried to close his jeans and shirt, quickly closing the door of the car.

“Sorry brother, didn’t mean to interrupt anything”, Robb teased, a last amused look over to Melisandre and then turning around to leave. “Have fun at home”, he laughed over his shoulder.

Jon shot Melisandre an accusing look. “Well done”, he murmured, still incredibly ashamed.

She simply giggled, starting the car. “At least he knows he can’t have me now.” She smiled a little. “Since I’m already taken.”

He sighed, as they rolled onto the drive way and started driving towards the road. It was completely dark around them, the headlamps of the car being the only light apart from the moonlight. “He’s going to tell everyone, you know that.”

She shrugged. “So? You ashamed of me?” she teased, looking over to him in amusement. “Besides, they’ll have the twins to talk about for the next days, we’re not half as interesting as them.”

He nodded slightly. “Did you know?”

She shrugged. “Not for sure, but yes of course. Everyone did, kinda.”

Jon remained silent for a while, watching her driving. It was a strange kind of peace, the two of them in the car at night.

“I think they really love each other”, she said after a minute had passed. For a brief moment, she looked at him. Then her eyes were back on the street. “I think they can’t live without each other.” She smiled a little. “So many things are in their way, but they still hold onto each other.”   
  
He was not sure if she was still talking about the twins. Slowly, he took her hand, intervening their fingers.

Suddenly, it started to snow. Little flakes fell down from the dark sky, decoration the glass of the windows. It looked like magic, for a moment.

“Looks like we get our white Christmas after all”, Melisandre muttered, smiling a little.

 

They arrived in Jon’s flat a few minutes later, Ghost already greeting Melisandre by jumping up and licking her face as Jon closed the door.

“I missed you”, she giggled, stroking his white fur and pressing a kiss to the dog’s head. “You missed me too? Yes?” She smiled, standing up and following Jon to the living room. Ghost walked behind her, jumping between her legs.

Jon watched his dog with a slight smile on his face, sitting down on his couch. “He likes you more than me by now.”

She rolled her eyes. “No, he doesn’t!”

“He never greets me like that”, Jon answered, as she sat beside him and the dog placed his head on her knee.

Melisandre only smiled. “Only because he’s used to you! I’m still special.”

“That you are”, Jon commented, stroking Ghost’s head. “I understand that you like her more, she smells really good.”

She laughed, as Ghost seemed to nod in response, licking Jon’s hand apologizing. She leaned against his body, head resting on his shoulder. “I missed this”, she said quietly, still playing with Ghost’s fur.

“Me too”, he replied, pressing a soft kiss on her hair. “What are you doing tomorrow? Since it’s Christmas?”

She shrugged. “Usually I go to the temple, but I’m not feeling it this year so I might just do my prayer at home and don’t go.” She looked up at him, shifting more into a lying position, head against his chest. “You?”

He played with her hair, stroking his fingers through the copper strands. “I gotta go to my family’s house shortly to give Arya her present but apart from that I’m free. Sam wanted me to come over but I told him I didn’t know if I could come.”

“Seems like our first Christmas together, doesn’t it”, Melisandre replied, smiling a little as Ghost jumped onto the couch, making himself comfortable on her stomach. She shifted, laying down onto Jon’s lap completely as the dog’s weight pushed her down. “Damn, Ghost, you’re heavy”, she laughed, looking up to Jon. “I hope you don’t mind, but your dog is crushing me.” There was something in her eyes he could not quite grasp, as if she was not certain if they were this comfortable around each other yet again.

“Not one bit”, he answered to reassure her, a smile on his lips. “Do you celebrate Christmas at all?” he wanted to know then, returning to the topic from before.

She shook her head. “No, not really.”

He hesitated a brief moment. “Did you, when you were younger?”

Her body tensed a little at the words, she clenched her jaw as if the memory of it made her uncomfortable. “No”, she answered, slowly. “No, I didn’t.”

“So you never had a real Christmas day?” His fingers were still running through his hair, stroking over her jaw and cheek.

She remained silent for a few seconds. “No”, she replied again, looking up to him. “My parents were dead so there was no one I could have celebrated with.” Her eyes seemed distant as she looked away, clouded by a distant sadness.

Jon felt bad following the topic further, as he knew that she did not like talking about it at all. All he knew was that her parents did when she was little and she had lived in foster care, after that little information she had changed the topic.

“I’ll celebrate with you”, he answered, causing her to smile softly. “And if you come with me to give Arya her present you can meet my siblings and her mother.”

Her eyes met his. “Really?”

“Really”, he replied. “Why not?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know, I’m just surprised you want to move so fast suddenly.”

“I learned from my mistakes, I guess.”

Melisandre smiled, sitting up slightly and pressing a kiss against his lips. Ghost grumbled offended, falling down from her stomach onto the couch. “Sorry Ghost”, she muttered, withdrawing from Jon’s lips. The dog stared at her for a moment, before laying down onto her legs once again. “Seems like he has forgiven me”, Melisandre commented, carefully shifting into a sitting position without offending Ghost. “I’d love to meet your family”, she said to Jon, body leaned against his chest.

“Robb will be happy to see you”, Jon answered, the sarcasm in his voice impossible to miss.

She rolled her eyes. “I don’t think he was ever truly interested in me.”

Jon frowned. “Why not?”

“He had so many chances to hook up with me, but he never took them! Besides he told me today that you were upset about me, as if he wanted us back together.”

 _That did not sound at all like his brother._ “Hm”, was all that Jon had to say.

She laughed a little. “It’s actually cute when you get jealous.”

“I’m not jealous”, he insisted, but she only rolled her eyes.

“Sure you aren’t.”

He remained silent for a little while, listening to her breathing. “I’m glad we’re giving it another shot.”

She smiled a little. “You should thank your friend Ygritte for convincing me.”

Slowly, he placed a kiss on her head. “Yeah, I should.”


	15. Christmas Spirit

The next morning, Melisandre was woken by the sunlight creeping through the window, tickling her nose. She rolled onto her back, slowly opening her eyes. Her hand searched for Jon beside her, but the bed was empty. A little disappointed she sat up, moving to the edge of the bed. It was still snowing outside, the roofs of the neighboring houses covered in white. Quickly she grabbed Jon’s shirt from the floor, slipping into it. For a second, she inhaled the smell of his aftershave, a familiar scent by now.

She left the bedroom quietly, walking into the empty hallway. It was unusual that Jon was awake more early than her, unless he had morning classes and she did not. “Jon?” she asked, as she entered the kitchen, greeting Ghost as well as she passed him.

“I’m here”, she heard Jon’s voice. “And I have a surprise.” He appeared in front of her, grinning like a little child.

She could not help the smile, frowning slightly. “Good morning”, she replied, kissing him quickly. “What kind of surprise?”

“Oh, you’ll see”, he grinned, taking her hand and leading her over to the living room.

The giant Christmas tree could her eyes first thing, taking up almost the entire space of the room. It was decorated already, in red and white and gray and silver, matching the overall color scheme of the room. Melisandre’s jaw dropped. “You did this?”

He nodded proudly. “I did.”

She smiled a little. “It’s beautiful. Thank you.”

Jon pressed a soft kiss to her neck. “The star on top of it is missing, though. You wanna put it there?”

“Sure”, she answered, taking the silver star out of his hands. “That could be a little too much though, couldn’t it?”

He shrugged, following her over to the tree. “Christmas decorations can’t be too much.”

She raised her eyebrows. “Ah, okay.” Carefully, standing on her tiptoes, she tried to reach the top of the tree, but failed miserably. “I’m too small”, she pouted, turning around to face Jon. “You planned this, didn’t you?”

He grinned a little. “Maybe. Turn around”, he added, taking her by the hip and lifting her up. “Maybe I only wanted to get the chance to do this.”   
She giggled, placing the star on top of the tree carefully, before returning to the ground. “Cute trick”, she commented, admiring the tree once again. She had never had one of her own before, so the day did indeed feel pretty special. “Thanks”, she repeated, turning around to Jon, placing her hands on his chest. “Really.”

“Anything to make you happy”, he replied, kissing her for a moment.

The taste of coffee on his lips reminded her of breakfast, so she withdraw. “Should we have something to eat?”

He laughed. “Wow, that’s what you’re thinking right now?”

“Idiot”, she muttered, hitting his shoulder lightly. “What do you have to eat?” she asked then, making her way over to the kitchen. Rays of sunlight fell through the window, even though the snowfall was still heavy. The world outside the window was glowing white. Ghost had made himself comfortable on the kitchen floor, laying on his back with closed eyes. Melisandre smiled lightly as she noticed him, careful not to distract him.

Jon followed her into the kitchen, she could feel his eyes on her. “You should wear my shirts more regularly”, he commented finally, stopping behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist. His fingers drew little circles over the skin of her belly.

She leaned against him. “I thought you wanted to make us breakfast?”

His lips were on her neck for a moment, breathing against her skin. “You walk around like this and want me to concentrate on breakfast?”

Melisandre laughed, taking a step forward and thus withdrawing from his arms. “Yes”, she answered, leaning her back against the kitchen counter so she faced him again.

He approached her, stopping a few inches away from her, hands next to her on the edge of the counter. “We can still have breakfast later”, he muttered, forehead against hers.

Melisandre couldn’t resist the smile. “Is that so?” she replied, fingers moving along the muscles of his arms. She reached his shoulders, hands circling over his neck, nails stroking over the skin.

He kissed her slowly, tongue sliding into her mouth. “I bet I can make you forget about breakfast”, he whispered against her lips, body moving closer to hers.

“Prove it”, she breathed, lips enclosing once again.

She could feel his hands on her waist, lifting her onto the counter. Her legs wrapped around his body, pulling him closer. There was not an inch of air left between their bodies. His lips traveled along her neck, her throat, down to her collarbone, sucking at the skin. She was for sure going to have bruises later. Did she care? Not really.

She drew a sharp breath as he entered her, lifting her shirt up to her waist. Her hips rolled against his, teeth digging into his shoulder, nails scratching along his back. She was hardly able to breath, waves of pleasure running through her body. _Oh she had missed this so much._ He thrust into her more deeply, causing her to moan against his neck. Her lips traveled above the skin there, feeling the heat underneath.

The world seemed to collapse around her as she came, holding onto him as if he was the last thing saving her. _Maybe he was, indeed._

She let her head sink against his chest, trying to normalize her breathing. “You proved it alright”, she mused quietly, raising her head and pressing a quick kiss to his lips. “Much better than eating.”

“I’m glad to not have disappointed you”, he replied teasingly, lifting her up from the counter and placing her back onto the ground. “Do you want pancakes now?”

Her lips curled up in a smile as she nodded. “I wouldn’t say no.”

 

“Soo, when do you have to be at Arya’s?” Melisandre wanted to know, sitting on his couch and eating her pancakes. She was dressed by now, black jeans and red blouse.

Jon sat down next to her. “6 pm, why?”

She pouted. “Because I’m bored. Let’s do something until then!” Her eyes sparkles with excitement.

He laughed a little. “Any suggestions?”

For a few seconds she remained silent, then she nodded. “Ever done ice skating?”

Jon raised his eyebrows in surprise. “ _Ice skating_?”

Melisandre shrugged, frowning. “Why not?” she asked, taking a bite from her pancake which was covered in strawberry sirup. It was more sirup than pancake, probably.

He simply sighed. “Yeah, sure, if you want to.”

Her lips curled up in an excited smile. “Alright”, she replied, pressing a short kiss to his lips and rushing over to the kitchen to put her plate in the dishwasher.

Jon watched her in amusement, getting up as well. He had never done ice skating before and actually not planned on doing to ever, but if it couldn't hurt to try something new. Or that was what he was telling himself, since he was honestly pretty sure that he was going to be terrible at it. But he had never been quite able to say no to any of her suggestions, so he would have to try.

It was still heavily snowing as they left the house, the clouds a mixture of white and dark gray and the sidewalks covered in powdery snow. The sun reflected onto the ice and made it sparkle like glitter

“It’s so beautiful”, Melisandre mused, as she climbed into the passenger side of Jon’s car and closed the door behind her. “I love snow.”

“Well, you aren’t the one who has to drive in this mess”, he commented, starting the engine and carefully rolling onto the street.

She rolled her eyes. “Don’t be such a killjoy all the time! Besides, I can also drive if you don’t want to.”

He laughed a little. “No thanks, I like my life too much for that.”

“What is that supposed to me?” she snapped, crossing her arms in front of her chest. “I’m a good driver.”

“Yeah right”, Jon replied, an amused smile on his lips. “You just ignore every single existing traffic regulation.”

Melisandre clenched her jaw, remaining silent for a moment. “Wait until I beat your ass while ice skating.”

The ice rink was fortunately quite empty, only a few other couples were there and luckily no one who Jon knew. Melisandre jumped onto the ice right away, happily spinning and jumping around as if she had never done anything else in her life. Jon wondered where she had learned to skate like that, but hesitated to ask. She had many skills he didn’t know the origin of, but every time he asked about her past she became all secretive and changed the topic. Sometimes he wondered if she was really keeping something from him, if she was lying to him. He would have liked to think that that would change someday, that he could believe that she would be open and honest with him some day in the future.

But he knew her and he knew that that would probably never be the case. Jon had accepted that, as good as he could, but sometimes he kept on thinking what their future relationship would be like if he could never really know who she was, truly.

Melisandre skated back to the where he stood outside the rink, watching her. “Come on, it’s fun”, she smiled, holding her hands out for him. Her eyes shone like gemstones in the sun, so beautiful, but holding so many secrets. She frowned slightly at the lack of reaction from him. “Everything alright?”

He nodded, quickly. “Sure, sure.” His hands closed around hers, as he entered the ice carefully. It felt a lot more insecure than it had seemed from the outside, as if the ice would break under him any moment.

Melisandre skated around him in circles, like a flame dancing over a frozen lake.

It did not take longer than one minute until he fell for the first time, the cold ice burning through his jeans. He grumbled something in Melisandre’s direction, but she only laughed and helped him up.

“You just need some practice.”

He watched her spinning around herself, as if she had never done anything else in her life. “Where did you learn it?” he asked then, trying to find a solid position to remain standing.

She turned around, the smile still on her lips, but her eyes seeming distracted. “I taught myself, it’s fun.”

 _Is she lying? Or is that look in her eyes only a result of my imagination?_ “When?” he continued, starting to carefully skate a little in her direction. He did not fall this time.

Melisandre skated backwards, eyes still on him. “Well, I don’t know, between college and high school.”

Jon was not sure why he was interested in the topic so much, but he had a sudden urge to keep pressing it. “Which high school did you go to? You never told me. It wasn’t in this town, was it?”

She was frowning slightly, but the smile remained. Only that it did not reach her eyes this time. “No, it was on the west coast. You wouldn’t know the name of the town.” She was evading him clearly, trying to make the answer as unspecific as possible.

Jon decided to drop the questions for now, even though the distrust remained. He skated further in her direction, feeling a little more safe by now. Maybe it was not as hard as he had thought it to be.

“You’re doing great”, Melisandre commented, as she stopped and watched him approaching her. She was smiling again, the distraction had left her eyes. Not even a shadow of it was left, only pure blue as deep as the ocean. He wondered what might be hidden beneath these eyes, what things she might have seen and done that were so horrible that she could not talk of them.

“It’s kinda fun”, he answered, trying to push the thoughts aside.

Melisandre nodded. “Yeah, it is. I’m glad you tried it.” She kissed him on the lips softly, a gentle brush of her lips against his. Then she withdraw, continuing to skate around him in circles. Her copper hair was flying in the wind, as she was turning a sweeping pirouette on the ice. Once again, he wondered where she had learned that. _Do they have ice rinks on the west coast?_


End file.
